Three Ring Circus

Yesterday I went to Westfield at Tuggerah. I transferred some money from our holiday savings account. It was worth it. As much as I hate to dunk into that account, I needed to. We had to go down to pick Lily and Madeline up from a sleepover with Grandma anyway so we thought that it wouldn’t hurt to do a touch of shopping.

We bought some play equipment for Ivy and Noah because they had enjoyed Sammy and Joel’s so much and we purchased a second swing so that both of them can be pushed at once while I’m hanging out the washing. There were other things that we bought too, essentials like wipes and…well, I guess Lily and Maddy thought that a new Beanie Bear was essential and that AJ and Mal believed that they absolutely needed that football… Anyway what we really transferred the money for was sheets.

I think the lowest point for me, as a mother, is when babies throw up on you. Not just the normal possets that all babies do. All of mine have decorated me in such a way at some point in their babyhood. The first time ever Immy, who was about eight months, vomited over me just after a full lunch. It was gross. It was large and it went into all the crevices of the lounge where I was sitting at the time. THAT was memorable. The others have done it but nothing so… chunky or confronting… until Saturday morning.

Noah and Ivy have had croup then asthma and it has now progressed to a cough. Just a garden variety cough. On Saturday they woke and had their morning bottle. All was good. It was a little early for them and cold but nothing  too out of the ordinary. Ivy got down from the bed and pottered around. Noah snuggled down on top of me. He was coughing just a bit. Then he sat up and started coughing more. I was patting him on his back, consoling him when all of a sudden he gave one almighty cough and up came the entire bottle! The thing is that, right at that very moment, I had my mouth open in an ‘O’ (as in ‘Ohhh, poor Noah, you’ll be ok.’) but it was not ok, none of it was.

He got my face, hair and inside my mouth, down my shirt and all over my last set of flannelette sheets. He got the blanket and one of the quilts too.

I know, I know it’s all very gross and makes you want to throw up as well. It did me, there was some dry retching on my behalf, that was for sure. Also tears (lots of them) because after the last month of sickness, being vomited on was like the last punch in the guts. Showers were had by all and finally a few laughs over the whole thing. (It was ok for David to chortle, HE didn’t get anything but some splashback on his PJs sleeve). Noah was right for the rest of the day. No more spew and barely any coughing.

I had to tell you that story because I needed to justify why I spent alot of money on Saturday and why when I saw that new minky blanket in Adairs, I just had to have it.

There are words that I am hearing over and over. Words that are made up by Ivy and Noah but that I can understand. I want to write them down so I don’t forget…

‘Gubem‘ - this generally means I’m hungry and can see you eating and I’ll have whatever you’re having…NOW! Sometimes used as a happy noise as well.

‘Noonga Noonga’ is a Noah only word. It is a word that means I am angry and I want you to go away.

‘Na - Na’ used to be a word for food but now it is just used for morning and night bottles or if they want milk in the middle of the day. Just because they demand it, doesn’t mean they get it though.

"Y-eye Y-eye" is their word for put me in the swing and push me.

‘Barp’ I want to have a bath.

‘carcar’ self explanitory.

‘hankooo‘ means thankyou in Ivy’s world.

‘gullygullygully‘ means I have done something naughty and I am not telling you what it is. (Noah)

‘uppyuppyuppy‘ Ivy’s word for I would like a horsey ride please. (Giddy - up)

‘hmmm - may’ means help me (Noah)

‘prittypritty’ means I am beautiful, look at me. (Ivy)

‘barfly’ butterfly. (Ivy)

"arrarrarrarr’ means there is a dog barking outside or I can see a dog.

‘weeooh weeooh’  I am  very tired but by making this sound I hope to keep myself awake. (Ivy - ism)

New words  and phrases that everyone can understand that are commonly used in this house now are …

‘get down’! I wonder why they know how to say that?

‘door, close it’. Usually used when they have gotten into a cupboard and they see me coming.

‘get out’ Used in context of wanting to get out of the bath or in telling the dogs to go outside.

‘gotta go’ Started off as a Noah-ism but now both use it. Self explanitory.

‘joosh’ juice.

‘no’ self explanitory and said by both ALOT.

‘nigh - night’  goodnight.

Of course there are all the standard words like Mum (mymum as Noah says) Dad, bubba (what they often call each other and what they call any baby they see in real life or in photos, Immy, Maddy (marmar), Lily (liddleliddle), AJ and Mal. Hello, bye, hot (often used when they know they are not supposed to touch something, as in ‘don’t touch the fire it’s hot!’). Up with arms raised, down with bodies twisted in a downward motion. Shoes is a common one too.

I’m sure there are more.

We still use lots of Immy and Maddy words in our day to day living…  ‘Squidge’ for vegemite, ‘mamitch’ for sandwich. Lily had some pearlers too…’snotrils’ for nostrils and ‘foot sleeves’ for pants. I want to remember all these little things. I need to hang onto them for when they are grown up.

you don’t care if your son wears a pink bib to the dinner table… but you DO take photos because it’s kind of cute!

We had a wonderful day on Sunday! We went to Samuel and Joel’s first birthday. It was lovely being around so many little ones. Sammy and Joel were all smiles all of the time. They took the people and presents in their stride. Gorgeous, happy little guys. I took my camera but I forgot the memory card so no photos for me just sweet memories. Ivy and Noah played on the outside equipment throughout the afternoon. Ivy didn’t stop for anything. David and I shovelled food into her mouth while she was climbing the slippery dip. Noah, bless his cotton socks, being male, could not master the playgym. He could climb up and get into the body of the colourful plastic but from there, he was stumped. Instead of trying to work it out, he head butted the sides and the front screeching ‘getttouuuuutttt!!!!!’ All the while Ivy was climbing the stairs, swinging from the bar, to the floor and through the exit over and over again, barely giving her brother a sideways glance.

We had to stop to give them both ventolin through the nebuliser a few hours in but otherwise we thought they did ok, asthmawise. After the croup went straight to  an exacerbation of their asthma and we had been struggling to control the rattle and hum of our wheezy babies.

On the way home Ivy and Noah started to cough and wheeze and wheeze and cough. By the time we hit Pennant Hills, they could barely catch their breath. We entertained the idea of driving straight to the hospital but somewhere between the Berowra exit and Gosford, they fell asleep, hands above their heads, necks extended, rapidly grasping at each breath. I just wanted to get them home. I thought that if I could get them there, I could medicate them and get through until morning. SO we pushed on. By the morning and having nebbed them 2nd hourly I was exhausted and so was David. Ivy and Noah were largely better, having made it through the night. A little shakey from all the ventolin but better.

I was disturbed though and not taking the series of the nights events well at all. In a paediatric world this is known as ‘parent acopia’ The parent’s inability to cope with the situation. Often hospital admissions of children are made because of this, according to some. It got me thinking, where do we go if we feel that we can’t cope? I haven’t been in that situation for such a long time. Do we go to the closest hospital? Do we go to the hospital that our paed is attached to? Do we go at all? Because, when you get to 2nd hourly nebs, there’s not alot more a hospital can do for you. It really would be because I couldn’t handle the babies being sick anymore. Of course, I wouldn’t be silly. If Ivy or Noah were in trouble I would take them but hospital is a last resort in this house.

Parent acopia was very real for me on Sunday night. When I asked the paed today we made a plan. He said my problem wasn’t that I didn’t cope. It was that I coped too well. Essentially, he made it ok for me not to cope. He let me know that most parents wouldn’t cope with 4th hourly nebs, let alone 2. He made my acopia acceptable… for me. So now, if I get to Sunday night’s stage of complete and utter breakdown, I can go to his hospital and we will take it from there.

We have a plan and I like plans!

On Monday I met some lovely nurses. We introduced ourselves and our area of work. When I announced that I was a midwife the medical and surgical nurses all commented on how lucky I was and how easy my job was.

Ok, birth is a normal life experience and most women enjoy a healthy pregnancy, have a normal birth and are independent of cares during their postnatal period. Having said that, I don’t think midwives have an easy job at all. For a start in our position we are expected to have some medical and some surgical skills. We have to be ready to treat episodes as scary as eclamptic fitting and postpartum haemorrage right through to being able to prepare and take a lady to theatre for caesarean. Our position is not so much the physical as the emotional. We deal with mental health issues, people with developmental delay, we look after ladies from all walks of life with differeing expectations. We deal in new life and birth and an important right of passage but we also have to have knowledge and compassion for those who lose their babies and for those who lose their right to birth in a way that equals their expectations. Midwives work hard every day. We are lucky though. Lucky, that on a daily basis, we are invited into something as important as a baby’s birthday. That, for a few hours we have an insight into a woman’s life, her family, her very being. I think that we are so priviledged to be a part of something so beautiful. Midwives are the lucky nurses

Today we had Lily’s party. Her friends were well behaved, well mannered and lovely. Her party was completely opposite to Imogen and Madeline’s a fortnight ago.  It was a joy to have these girls in our home.The time went so quickly and I felt relaxed and happy. Lily had an absolute ball!

Twelve months ago my beautiful friend Trish was in hospital, waiting for her twin boys to be born. Everyone in this household was on tenderhooks, waiting for the message that Sam and Joel had arrived safely.

I met Trish through Belly Belly when I was looking for information on trying to conceive after losing a baby. We joined at almost the same time. There were a few of us. Bec, who had lost her daughter, Georgia, Kirsty, whose son Alex had died, Sarah and her angel Lachlan, Trish with her gorgeous Charlotte and me. We were all on the same journey at around the same time.

Trish and I became friends. When I found out she was pregnant, I cried my eyes out. When I discovered she was having twins I cried even harder. I was so happy for her.

Over the three years I have known her Trish has been there for me through everything. Through the grief of losing WIlliam, to the discovery that I was pregnant. Even though she was waiting to conceive, and her heart must have been aching for her Charlotte and wishing fro that elusive positive pregnancy test, she lifted my spirits as I worried myself senseless over Ivy and Noah’s pregnancy. She celebrated their birth and she has been there through every anniversary for Will, every scary moment with the babies, every happy and sad moment. She has been a true friend, so tonight on the eve of her babies’ first birthday I want to celebrate her!

Congratulations Trish! Hoping you have the happiest of birthing days and that tomorrow is filled with happiness, fond memories of Samuel and Joel’s birth and of new memories made.

Thank you for being the person that you are. You are an amazing woman and I am a better person for having met you. I wish you every happiness and dream come true!

Ok, I’m having a bad hair day…month..ok, ok I’m having a bad hair YEAR!

For the umpteenth time I am trying to grow my hair out from the short pixie cut style I have had forever. The kids are all encouraging me to do it. David is too. I want to grow my hair, I do…it’s just that…I can’t get past that stage. Girls will know what I am talking about. You know, that stage when it’s too long to look any good but too short to pull it up into something. Too short to have it cut into a longer style but too long to look anything like your previous do. *SIGH* I don’t think I’m going to make it. It used to be long enough (pre children, pre wedding) that I could sit on it. David would spend hours  making minute plaits throughout my long locks. It’s been short for so long now…I’m not even sure it will look any good with some length to it.

Last night I had a shower and this morning my hair was sticking straight up in all different, wierd angles. I expect looks from David when I get out of bed. He generally teases me when my hair supports the appaearance of someone who has been scared out of their wits but this morning, after his bottle, Noah came pottering over. I sat up to give him a cuddle. He looked me up and down then stared directly at my hair…"Ooohhh"! he exclaimed and patted my knee in some form of baby commiseration before beetling off again. How can I do this when EVERYONE, including the baby, is a critic? For now, I look like a mop and I try not to look at the mop too often. Cover it, I hear some of you say. Yes, I have thought of that but every time I put a bandanna on I get a mental image of mutton dressed up as lamb. I SO don’t want to be the mutton! So, here I sit with bad hair…

While my hair follicles slowly lay down each new keratin layer let me tell you about Ivy’s absolute HATE for hats. I’m not sure if it stems from being in the NICU and having to wear those beanies for so long but Ivy hates hats. I have tried many and varied types of hats. Beautiful Summer bonnets, frilly wide brimmed ones and all have found their way off her head and onto the ground (much like her bibs but that is another story). Winter is here and, wanting to protect her ears as much as possible, I have gone through a series of beanies for the baby girl, trying to find one that she MIGHT keep on her head for more than five minutes to no avail until Mum knitted an all in one beanie with straps going under the chin and secured with a button. At last! A beanie that she can’t take off! The thing is, if you can’t take your beanie off your head, in Ivy’s world that is the worst thing to ever happen to you! She pulls and grunts and yanks and when she realises she can’t remove the offending wooly mass, she screams and cries and has a stampy tanty.

A stampy tanty is an Ivy special. She stomps her feet very quickly, pumps them up and down, almost in a jog on the spot. All the while she grizzles and shakes her head and her fists. This is a new kind of tantrum for me. I have had a ‘head banger’ tanty girl and a ‘face puller’ and I’ve also had the ’stand and ball’ tanty queen but never a stampy tanty girl. I usually difuse said tantrums by having my own stamping fit and we end up in some kind of primal mother/daughter war dance and fits of laughter but not with the beanies. Beanie escape, or lack there of is serious business.Not being able to escape woolen beanies is the end of the universe, according to Ivy. We have tried to redirect her efforts with diversion and bribery without much success so for now we are about learning to deal with the beanie application tantrums. I’d like to say that I am going to win this battle, hands down. I’d LIKE to say that but Ivy is a very strong willed young lady, so I’ll have to say the victory of the beanie battle is pending. 

Yesterday my blog site was down and I couldn’t log on. I had all these witty things I wanted to say and lots of funny moments to help lighten the mood of the previous two posts but it was down. Now, due to a severe case of Mummy Brain, I have forgotten, so there will be none of these. Humble apologies.

Yesterday Ivy and Noah still had croup and I had to call in sick for work. When my nursing unit manager called me to find out what the problem was I resigned. For all the world I felt that I could not possibly work and look after sick babies for the Winter and be any good to either parties so I made the choice to leave.

It all feels a bit unreal today. I have been employed as a nurse and a midwife for ten years. I worked throughout the girls’ toddler years (and Lily’s baby years). With Ivy and Noah though, I am beaten. I just can’t do it anymore. So, I am going to be a SAHM (stay at home mum) for a while. It could be good and it could be just what I need right now. So while croup has kept me up for the last two nights and I have cursed it to the ends of the earth, in some strange way it has set me free from the pressure of juggling work and home.

Thought I might break it up a bit.

So Monday was stressful and all I wanted was for David to stay home for Lily’s birthday. We had an appointment with the ENT which I was reluctant to go to on my own. David had other plans though. After seeing Lily into her ninth birthday and watching the gift viewing he went to work. I was angry with him for SO many reasons. Too many to go into. By 9am I was a blubbering ball of stress. Some days are BIG days when everything seems to get on top of me. I’m willing to bet that most people probably have days like these. Today was my meltdown day. I bet my mum didn’t expect to hear me crying down the phone to her at 9:05am. I don’t even really know why I was crying. Anyway. She came over to soothe her eldest daughter and together we went to the ENT doctor.

He studied Ivy’s ear, sucked it out, listened to all I had to say and then made his recommendations. (As arrogant as I find him, he also has quite a good sense of humour and a gentle way with Ivy).

1. Don’t let Ivy get sick.

2. Sell her on Ebay

3. Offer her up for medical research.

4 Continue the current treatment of hydrogen peroxide with an addition of a combination antibiotic/antifungal topical eardrop solution. See her in three weeks and take her adenoids out as soon as possible. (Still way too young at this stage).

We briefly touched upon the possibilty of a contaminated grommet being the root cause of Ivy’s problems, with the infection being persistent in one ear only. This notion was quickly dismissed however, as inconceivable. Given the doctor’s track record of perfection, the suggestion that he be in any way responsible simply could not be entertained.

Move along people, nothing further to see here…

So there you have it. Ivy, I think, is officially in his too hard basket.

While we were in his rooms a young girl came in with a cough and proceeded to bark all over Noah and Ivy. I looked at Mum. I didn’t need to say anything. Some call it pessimistic. I call it realistic. 

Noah has croup tonight, Ivy will follow, I’m sure. Give her 24 hours to brew something nasty up for me.

Ahhh, Winter. Ahhh Doctor’s rooms. David’s suggestion of putting Ivy and Noah in a bubble is sounding better with each passing cold!

Sorry.

This is going to be a long one but I promise I’ll pepper it with lots of photos.

First of all,

Happy Birthday Lily!  9 today! I can barely believe that my ‘bubba’ is nine.

Where do I start to tell you everything that we have been up to in the last week? To some it might not seem like alot. There have been no late night outings for couples, no romantic dinners for two, no weekend getaways but for some reason our days have all run into each other…a ball of activities, some so small but they all add to make up the chaos of the week just gone. I feel as though I have hardly seen David with his constant comings and goings into the early morning crispness and the dark Wintery nights. I have felt largely as though I was operating as a single parent (with a lodger) for most of the week but such is life when your husband works in Sydney and you live in the boonies.

We went to see our ECHN Dierdre. She is lovely and calming and grandmotherly and everything you want in a support person.

Ivy and Noah were evil. Just evil. They found the stand-on scales and proceeded to stand on them, sit on them, jump on them and wobble them back and forth until the constant clunk clunk clunk became too much for the caregiver and the mother. They thought it was funny. I did not. They pulled out every toy, whinged, ate every bit of food that I had in the baby bag, whinged some more, drank both drinks, banged at the door for release from the room and when it was not instant, they whinged and cried and wailed! I was never so pleased to leave a place. I felt clostrophobic and ashamed that my babies had essentially turned into monsters! Deirdre was sympathetic, allowed me my time and left me with assurances that there WAS help out there for Ivy’s sleep (or lack there of) issues. She listened to my doctor troubles, weighed and measured my now huge babies and asked all the right questions for an 18 month check up and yet I walked away tense and upset.

I am at a loss as to what is wrong with me. I look at them and feel happy and sad that they are growing up. The last 18 months haven’t been easy but at the same time, perhaps they were easier then than now. Toddlerhood does not suit Ivy and Noah well. They are full on ALL of the time. They move constantly and demolish all that is around them. Because there is such a huge gap between babies, perhaps I have forgotten what toddlers are like, perhaps I was not prepared this time.

The evening saw the three big kids home from their trip! Oh what excitement when they arrived, tired from their long bus trip home but buzzing with all the news of what they had seen. Ivy had not slept the night before and the day (see above) had been busy and messy. As we drove up to the school, looking for a place to park, I noticed a space…"Park there", I said to David, spying the bus zone, "it’s night time. It’s not as though there are going to be any buses coming through". David just looked at me. He had a bizarre look emerging from his face. A cross of the incredulous and ridiculous. "Poor Tiggy"! he exclaimed, "you must be tired". It took me a few seconds to work out why he was laughing at me. Of course there would be buses coming through. In fact two, with seventy something children aboard! I’m not blonde. Truly but I could have been on Friday night, with a ditzy comment like that ejecting itself from my mouth before my brain had time to retract it. Oh dear. My excuse was being so absolutely tired that I couldn’t think straight. I’m sticking to it!

And so we travelled home, our bus and house full again. It was nice. I felt contented. Until morning… when camp re - entry began. (insert twighlight zone music here)

It seems over the four days of travelling with peers that the children had forgotten how to do their chores. AJ heaved himself out of bed to go to soccer without lifting a finger to take out the garbage. Lily and Mal went to watch. Ivy and Noah and Imogen and Madeline and I made our way into town to pick up a few things. Everything was annoying me, from the way they were speaking (or should I say speakin’) to the way they walked. Slouched, hands in pockets, head down, feet shuffling…need I say more? Everything I asked of them seemed to be some form of torment, with eyes rolling and shoulders slumping. When we arrived home, I got more of the same from AJ. by Saturday night I was over it. My washing pile had gone from a healthy four baskets to a heart stopping ten, after they unpacked their bags! There was mess from one end of the house to the other and NOBODY was lifting a finger to correct the damage.

Unfortunately there was more of the same on the Sunday morning. Lily’s friend came over to go ice skating and that one little thing gave me the leverage I needed to bring things into order. If the rooms were not clean, there would be no outing. If the attitude didn’t stop, there would be no skating. Miraculously things started to get done. Amazingly we were out the door by 10:30 and even better was that all of us ended up having a great time. Noah and Ivy discovered hot chocolate and also that it tastes even better if it is someone else’s. Noah found a ride in aeroplane. You know the rides that you insert $2 and you get a minute of jiggling movement before it dies. At least this one was already out of order so the babies were left to do the jiggling themselves. They had a ball while the others skated around the rink. Mal (who couldn’t even stand in his skates) found a plastic chair and firmly planted his bottom on it. They use them on the ice for the younger children to find their balance, a bit like an old person’s walker. Maddy then pushed him around the ice. Their smiles were infectious. We went home and had the first of many cakes to celebrate Lily’s birthday.

Come Monday morning, I thought we would be back to normal and in the swing of things. How wrong I was!

While David made an early exit from the homefront, Noah was just waking up (very early for him). I asked the kids to get cracking as I wanted to be out of the house by 9:30 - 10am at the latest. Easy, right? No not easy when the children don’t want to get dressed, when they don’t want to do anything. When Noah decides at 9am that he wants to ‘go - carcar!’ right then and there and when I make a turn towards the bathroom (for a much deserved AND needed shower) has a complete meltdown. Banging on the door, wailing  ‘carcar carcar carcar!’ When Ivy joins in because she feels miserable and boys wrestle and yell at the top of their lungs. When Malachy has a severe case of Mondayitis (think shirt on backwards and shorts in 14 degree weatther. Think changing into ANOTHER pair of shorts when he is asked to put long pants on. Think shoes on the wrong feet and then crocs with socks on because he can’t be stuffed doing his shoelaces up himself). By the time we actually reached the car, it was a wonder I had any hair left!

Noah, who by that time had worked himself into a lather of baby sweat over getting in the blasted car, was in a horrible mood. He pulled Ivy’s hair and pulled at her jumper, so she was upset too. I was at my wits end by the time we reached the end of the street and also in a dither. I turned to the distraght Noah and used my assertive mummy voice…’Noah, that’s enough! Settle yourself down!’ and with that said Noah turned his head and fell asleep! Just like that. The rest of the trip to Sydney was blissfully quiet.

The reason for our trip was for Imogen, who had her first appointment at Westmead hospital with the orthodontist.

For those who don’t know, Imogen and David have a genetic condition called ectodermal dysplasia. It is something that effects the skin, teeth and the nails and the hair. When Immy was diagnosed it gave us an answer to many things but it also gave her dental care under the medicare scheme. Our last check up was well over a year ago and we were told then that because Immy’s case was mild that we may not make it to the top of the list for orthodontic care. We were very surprised when the letter came. The orthodontist, Peter was very nice. He spoke directly to Imogen and then to me. He described in detail what would happen for Immy over the next nine months. Braces first and building up of teeth. This will take a few years to complete but the end result, he felt, would be wonderful. I have to say I walked away from there very happy.

We had dinner with David’s parents and then made our way back home.

Ivy is up down, up down. I am getting sick of it, she must be too. This morning she was good, still had a green nose and a bit of a cough but her ear has been looking better and she has been so much happier in herself. It was cold and windy today and despite a beautiful wool beanie that Mum knitted, the cool air has done nothing for her health. After a visit to mum’s we hopped into the bus. Ivy was grizzly for a while and then fell asleep. Just before we got home she woke with a start and screamed hysterically. She continued to do this for the next hour. I checked her over to discover blood and more gunk coming from her ear. A phone call to the paed confirmed it was still all part of the infection but he wants to give her tummy a rest from the antibiotics. We will see what happens over the next few days. I bet I know what will happen. Do I sound jaded? You bet I do! I have given her pain relief tonight and hope that she will get a good nights sleep (bet I know how that’ll turn out too ). ‘Tis the season, they say and we all know how I feel about the season!

 

Just when I needed it some fluffy mail arrived from Maz, a gorgeous lady and fellow bellybelly girl. They are just adorable with monograms of Ivy and Noah’s first initial sewn on the bottom. Ivy and Noah have them on tonight and I’ve taken some photos for you to see. I was wrapped in them…actually Ivy and Noah were literally wrapped in them but I loved them, ALOT! Thanks Maz!

Lily turns 9 in 5 days

The big kids come home tomorrow

We are going to see Dierdre, our ECHN for Ivy and Noah’s 18 month check up (don’t forget the blue books, Tiff).

Noah, for the most part, has been his normal, happy self. We went for a walk today and he had to stop to peer into every drain, stomp on every patch of grass we saw and call out ‘weeeee!’ everytime his sister shimmied down a stop sign pole. This afternoon when Ivy was beside herself. Lily quietly took Noah outside and together they picked up sticks for the fire, which he flung at me one by one, whilst I was feeding said fire.

Lily has been a fantastic help while the big kids have been away. I have really enjoyed spending some quality time with her this week, especially in the evenings when the cherubs and Mal are in bed. She is growing up into a beautiful young girl (with flashes of tomboy thrown in).

This morning I got out of my nice warm bed when it was still dark and it WASN’T to get up to Ivy! (She was asleep in my bed already). I got up so that I could see Immy, Maddy and AJ off to Canberra and the Snowy Mountains for four days. They have not been away from home for that long and never with people other than grandparents. Sure, there have been a few friend sleepovers but that was only overnight. This trip is a big deal for all of us. I will miss them. I will have to trust that I have taught them right from wrong and that they will behave themselves for four long days. The house was already very quiet with three bodies missing. Lily, although gorgeous, is not the best communicator in the world. Either is Mal. Thank goodness there is Noah’s constant babble going on in the background or I would go completely mad.

I hope the kids have a good time. It is such a great expeience for them, especially to be able to see the snow. It gets cold in Ellalong but it never snows, the best our little country town has to offer up in the way of snow, is the black frost that hits us around July. It just doesn’t cut it, really. They have plans to build snow men and to have snowball fights. I hope the weather sees them coming and brews them up an adequate snow fall. If not, I guess there’s always the man made stuff.

I won’t be able to call them (no mobile phones allowed) and we have been told that public phone access is limited so I am guessing I won’t be hearing from them while they are away. I have hit the chocolate early this morning (terrible emotional eater that I am) to try to compensate, in fact I feel quite ill from all the white chocolate buttons that David has carelessly left sitting on the counter and I have just as carelessly eaten. He should know me better than that…hmmm…perhaps he does.

Ivy started her Augmentin Duo four days ago now and I *think* she is looking a little better today.  What do you think? Aside from the red raw nose from all the tissue usage, I think she has a bit more colour in her face and, yes, even a sparkle in her eyes. Please let this be the end of her chronic infection.

I put Noah to bed for his morning sleep. I said ‘time for sleep Noah’. He said ‘no’. I said ‘yes, have a good sleep’ and walked away. He called out ‘No!’ and giggled to himself (obviously pleased that he had had the last say). He then proceeded to laugh himself senseless for half an hour, everytime he called out ‘No!’. Funny sense of humour, that little guy has. Eventually he fell asleep after calling out one last ‘no’. This afternoon he has been talking and chortling to a pink plastic plate….hmmm a bit too much sugar in that boy’s diet, me thinks.

We had confirmation today. Right sided pneumonia for Ivy and another course of antibiotics.

Ha Ha! Boys you have been caught out!

All these years women have been fooled into thinking that men cannot multi task. That they are capable of doing only one thing at a time to do anything at all well.

Tonight David has admitted that men CAN multi task, so long as you call it ‘time slicing’!!!!!!

Apparently this is doing something for 3 seconds and then switching to the other task for a further 3 before switching back.

The next time I ask him to look after the kids, I now will expect more than just looking after the kids. Because he can time slice, I know he will be able to look after the kids, clean up after them, cook the dinner AND take several messages while I’m out. Ahhhhh, time slicing, your secret is out boys!

When I wrote yesterday that we were partying with a group of 11 year olds, I was foolish. What I SHOULD have written was the girls were going to party and David and I (and Tracey too - we conned her) were going to rock in a corner after pulling all of our hair out! AAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Some girls were good and some were…the opposite of good.

Rude springs to mind but beyond that, over confident, disrespectful, loud and arrogant. It transported me (and Tracey too) right back to our own fifth grade nightmares. I hated school. I was always the girl who was teased by EXACTLY this type of female. My blood runs cold with the memories.

Imogen and Madeline knew we were not happy by the time lunch was served. I really was disappointed in the attitudes of these girls and saddened too. I must be niave or something. I had no idea that we would be dealing with such nasty little misses. They teased Malachy and then laughed at his misfortune, they were rude to David, Tracey and I. Only three girls said thank you (aside from my own, Mollie, Tracey’s daughter and AJ). The movie was a disaster. Nobody stayed in their seats and despite constant pleas from the adults they all continued to talk loudly. The other patrons cussed and shooshed and tried their hardest to enjoy the movie but it was no use. They were in the isles, on the floor, standing up, throwing food, anything but watching a movie. At lunch they were like animals, ripping food from each others mouths, ever afraid that THEY were going to miss out!

I was alot of things when I was 11 but I’m sure that I was NEVER like these girls. I think I am shocked to know that Imogen and Madeline would choose these girls as playmates.

I am off to bed now, tense and exhausted (and newly educated on my daughters’ so called ‘friends’). Perhaps in time I will find the whole thing funny but not tonight.

Well, the mobile phones were a hit! Imogen and Madeline have been begging, pleading and planning for a mobile forever. We kept saying no. Too young, not responsible enough, won’t use it for the right reasons… etc so when their birthday rocked around a phone wasn’t even on the list this year. When they opened their parcel from David and I they were VERY surprised.

Actually, it was my friend Mary who talked me into it. She presented to me the way her boys used theirs. It sounded sensible and in the end (and a few late pick ups, with girls in tears) we decided we would.

Today (three days post phone) I am sick of the unrelenting ring tones and the bleep bleep of the texting.  The girls are pleased as punch though and the ‘mobys’ have been a constant accessory around their necks. It IS kind of nice to see them enjoying their gifts. I just need a good set of ear plugs for the school holidays, I think…they tell me wax is good.

Tomorrow we are partying with 15 children (plus ours). Lordy me!

It was going to be a pamper party but our host was flooded out of her home and her materials waterlogged during last weekends storms. So now we are going to the movies to see Bridge to Terabithia. I read the book in year seven and remember balling my eyes out. Years on, I can’t remember the story at all. Afterwards we are going to Pizza Hut for a late lunch.

In preparation for the many pre pubescent girls descending on our house I scrubbed (as you do). I can see the dining table again, post Starstruck sewing and the bathroom is sparkling. David set about securing our kitchen cupboards with child locks and while he had the electric screwdriver in use he also pulled down Noah’s cot (’carcar’ - everything is a car at the moment) and retired it to the half of the garage that wasn’t squashed by the tree. He has done so well in the big boy bed. His only set back was last night when I asked David to check on him in the early hours. David went to Noah’s bed, after manouvering his way around a sleeping dog, to find it empty. After a few moments of half - asleep confusion, he discovered the sleeping dog on the floor was actually his son. At some stage during the night Noah had gotten out of his bed (on his way to us, we presume) but had not quite made it before sleep overcame him. Too cute! We have tucked him in EXTRA tight tonight.

One of the girls’ friends has been out of school all week so she was unaware of our change of party plans. Flooded in, we now know, they are camping out at the local pub. How did we find this out and track down the missing friend? An intricate phone network is in place that I, as a mother, am completely out of touch with. Maddy called someone, who had someone elses number, who knew someone who had the friend’s phone number. So Immy called the someone else’s number. She didn’t have the someone’s number, who had the friend’s number but she knew somebody else who knew that someone’s number and so Immy called her. When there was no response she sent a text to the somebody else. A few hours later that somebody phoned Immy and told her that the friend was flooded in but she would get a message to her to call Immy… confused? Not as much as I, dear readers! The mind boggles.

I thought I would tell you about our paed appointment.

It went…better than expected. Noah was good. Had made a great recovery from his cold and asthma attack. his weight was great and his development definately to his adjusted age (15.5 months), if not better. The paed was happy with him. He apologised for being away during the Tregenza sicky season and reassured us that he was going to have some urgent appointments available from July. All good news to my ears. Then he saw Ivy, with her goopy ear and her goopy nose and her lack lustre prescence. He conceded she was very ill and we talked about the different things we might try. For now we are going to address her ears and nose with a stronger antibiotic, stay with the hydrogen peroxide, give her flixotide for her asthma/chest and he will see us in two weeks. He also sent us for a chest xray, which showed fluid build up on one side. We are yet to confirm but believe she has pneumonia.

Today she is sick and cranky. The antibiotics have given her the runs and she is off her food but her nose was running clear for a large part of the day and her cough doesn’t seem as wet. Fingers crossed that this will do the trick.

Ivy is still sick. My poor sick bubba. Her ear is goopy again, her nose too and she is clingy and crying today. We called the ENT doctor and got our usual phone diagnosis. So, we will start the ear drops AGAIN.

Three and a bit weeks of illness and we still can’t get in to see the man.

The hydrogen peroxide fizzes and pops and she screams in terror everytime I have to put it in but I will do it because I don’t know what else to do, except take advice from phone doctors. I don’t know how anyone can think that telephonic diagnostics are ok. *SIGH* I feel beaten and defeated because I can’t keep the Ivygirl well.

We are going to see her so called paediatrician tomorrow. I wonder if anything good will come from that. I wonder if it is worth having a paed at all. I wonder if I could do a bridging course and become a paed… probably could but it would all be too late. Ivy and Noah would be grown up by the time I finished. So I will have to rely on these doctors for now.

This morning I scrubbed down our stove. Imogen came flouncing in, looked me up and down in all my pyjama clad beauty (now hot and sweaty from cleaning), sized up the now sparkling oven and said…’oh, look, you made a clean spot’. What am I supposed to make of that? Am I to assume that she believes she lives in squallor? I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Nevertheless, my stove is shiny and I feel better for my troubles.

At lunchtime orange shirted men started milling about my yard. Soon a large crane appeared too. Not long after, the crane was pulling up trees that had fallen in the storm and the orange clad men were up the trees,with their chainsaws, speaking in loud authoritative voices and making weird, manly jokes. You could almost touch the testosterone, the air was thick with it! I phoned David, who quickly caught wiff of male hormones and begged me to take photos AND to send them to him via email so that he could spread the manliness around.

So I did. In the midst of my sick girl’s cries and taking photos for my husband, I noticed a strange thing. Noah (also very male) was running from window to window, watching the crane with much interest. I pointed out the orange clad man up the tree and he was transfixed. I watched him for a while, fascinated that he could be so enveloped in the happenings.. . and Ivy so disinterested in such masculine things. It is times like these that the difference in sex is SO obvious to me.

Night duty tonight and then tomorrow the celebrations begin. Immy and Maddy are turning 11. All those years ago, my body was starting the process of labour. Their birthday…my birthing day.

Where have eleven years gone? When did they grow up to be beautiful young women? It only seems like yesterday that they were Ivy and Noah’s age, gardening (pulling out every single plant) in the backyard, buck naked, except for their flourescent pink gum boots. Now they are into fashion and music. Instead of a dolly for their gift, they want a mobile phone. They are changing and growing every day. It pulls at my heart strings to know that they are walking into adolescence.

Not only are they getting older, so am I. I am not the person that I was 11 years ago. I don’t know if I am a better person. Certainly wiser.

I spoke too soon. About storms.

While the hurricane babies were whirring through my house the storms outside were brewing. On Friday it started raining. It was cold and wet and gusty winds whipped around the bus as I drove the kids to school that morning. It was just the beginning of a VERY long weekend. By the afternoon the electricity had gone out and my sausage casserole was doomed. The wind was so strong that it upturned our gazebo which flew into the air and lodged itself between the fence and the cubby house.

We had power again briefly but at 9pm the lights went out for good. We all went to bed but sleep was scant. The kids were scared, the babies were scared, heck, I was scared! The wind had increased to up to 90 kms and there were odd noises coming from outside as the storm lashed at our doors.

Ivy and Noah, not fairing too well with their colds, were restless and miserable.

By morning we could see the damage that had occured during the night. We had three trees down, one on our shed and on our fence and one on our garage. Our back yard was flooded and under our house flooded too. The farm at the end of our street was no longer a farm but a lake. Our neighbours and David all rallied to cut down the trees in the street that had fallen. In the mean time, I was left to tend to sick babies and feed tired, wild eyed children with no electricity, no hot water and a limited amount of supplies. When news of the next storm made its way to my ears my first instinct was to run! So, we packed up and made our way down to David’s parent’s house when the main road out opened briefly.

By Sunday evening the storms and winds had settled down, although many people in the area were still being evacuated and their homes flooded, ours was ok. 

When the power came back on, my first task was to wash all my cloth nappies. I had gone to the shops to get some disposables but when it came time to make the purchase, I couldn’t do it.

I reasoned that I could make the nappies last and they would be first in line for the washing machine. I balked at the papery feel of the ’sposies’ when I did put one on earlier that morning and missed the roundness of the cloth bottomed babies. So I put the packet back and spent my money on clothes for the kids.

We went to the Parenting Expo two weekends ago, with my good friend, Trish and her beautiful boys. It was a great day for shop - a- holics like me (not so good for David, who hates crowds and spending money). We bought these little magnets called Job Joggas. The idea is for the kids to take responsibility for their…responsibilities. They do their chores and move the completed tasks across to the ‘jobs done’ side. It is supposed to save me from having to nag and save the kids from my nagging!

So far it has worked! I have (hardly) had to nag at all. We decided that at the end of each week there would be a master Job jogga. This week it was AJ. THe boy who hates discipline and rules took the joggas to heart and completed all his tasks without me having to ask. What’s more, he went above and beyond his chores. They all have really. Maddy vacuumed and cleaned, Lily helped Mal with the recycling. Immy has been invaluable with the sick babies. For his trouble AJ has chosen a mini football with his favourite football team on it.

I love the Job Joggas. I hope it lasts. Here’s to the possibility of a nag free year!

 

Since the storm, Noah has not settled in his cot. He has cried and trembled and sobbed. Two nights ago I tried him in his big bed and he slept! Today he had his morning nap in his big bed and settled very well. So it looks as though the cot is on the way out.

It’s sad in a way to know that this cot is retiring for good. There will be no more babies for me and so, if we were to store Noah’s cot (which was originally bought for William) the next babies to use it would be grandchildren.

I guess it is time to let go of the baby days and relish in the little boy that Noah is becoming and the girl - child that is Ivy

Beware! There is a hurricane around at the moment. Actually, two. Hurricane Noah and Ivy, collectively, the Tregenza Tornado (ok, I know technically they are different but for descriptive purposes we can consider them one and the same). Watch out! Take cover! They will demolish your home! Especially if you leave them unattended for a split second, while you empty your very full bladder. They work as a team, you know. They lie in wait for you to relax and then before you know it the kitchen has been bulldozed. While you are cleaning up the kitchen they make their way to the loungeroom and pull out all the nappies that you have stacked and packed, afterwards moving into the bathroom where they discover your hiding spot for parental toothbrushes and proceed to brush their own teeth, (along with snotty noses and cheeks), brush their hair ("awww, pretty!") and when they have finished grooming themselves with said toothbrushes, they decide that they will copy Mum and scrub the mould from the bathroom tiles! Beware of the storm that will follow when you ring your husband to ask for new toothbrushes (after giving him a full rundown of what has just occured). You will learn the many ways of saying ‘eeewww’ when you are faced with the aftermath of hurricane Ivy and Noah.

Life is NEVER dull with toddler twins in the home!

Understatement of the Century.

I hate Winter. I know I’ve said it before here but just to clarify; I REALLY hate it.

I didn’t once upon a long time ago, pre children. Winter was a time to rug up, a time for hot chocolate and blankets on the lounge snuggled up close to David. Winter was a time for exciting Scouting activities and holidays away to even colder locations, open fires, hot casseroles, heaters in the car, slowly thawing out every part of you until just the tip of your nose was cold. Super soft downy quilts that you could snuggle right down in and not have to remove yourself from until the sun had warmed the crisp air to an acceptable level.

Now Winter is full of stuffy doctors rooms, just hot enough to breed a hundred thousand other germs that are not already wracking the smallest of my children. Winter is about tissues and mucous, hacking coughs, headaches, sore throats, Panadol, cough mixture, throat losenges, heat packs and nebulisers. It is about, crying, fragile babies and children, who ache and hurt. Winter, for me, is now about feeling inadequate in my abilities to keep my kids well and pushing fate to the end of her tether, to avoid hospital admissions.

Winter is about illness and getting through those long cold months with minimal assistance from unhelpful medical professionals, who are sick themselves and don’t really want to see one more sick child.

A parcel arrived from overseas yesterday. An ordinary brown box but inside that package were promises of sunshine and long afternoons by the pool. Bright, warm mornings and dinners on the verandah. Just clothes to some but when I opened the box I swear I could almost smell Summer.

I was never a Summer girl. In my younger years, Summer meant hot sticky days, too embarrassed to go swimming for fear that Green Peace would spy me, declare me a beeched white whale and lovingly roll me back into the ocean. Summer meant too much salad. It meant long, hot nights where you wake up in the morning sweating and feeling as though you never slept.

Summer now means at least three months, if not more, virtually, asthma and illness free. It means long legged children running around in the backyard with water pistols and swimming until it’s too dark to see. Summer means, happy, stress free faces, free from runny noses and deep dark circles under their eyes.  Summer means warm, healthy glows coming from radiant sunkissed skin, not the pale pallor of Winter.

I am sitting here, hoping that Ivy and Noah will sleep soon. They have been up for a large part of the night coughing and snuffling. It’s been three weeks and they are getting worse not better. Ivy’s ears are discharging goop again and Noah’s asthma is escalating to a point where I am seriously considering hospital. It’s not easy to see the good in Winter today. I would love to just pack everyone up and steal them away to the warmest part of Australia, right now- to a place where the sun could mend their red, chapped, wind blown lips and the fresh breezy air could blow away all the germs.

After the babies are asleep and I have finally had a shower I might just open that box again and set my imaginings free. An escape from reality might just help me get through today.

Today I have been busy sewing and painting Abba costumes for Starstruck. I’m unsure as to how I got roped in, with mum, to sew 9 Abba outfits and 8 skirts and ties but I have done two so far with another six items to go. They have to be ready by this Friday and while Mum is surging ahead, I have only just dipped my toe. Actually, I think I made quite a splash!!! I am quite proud of the pussycat dresses that I made today and Immy is having a tough time choosing which one she wants to claim as her own. That makes me feel great. I’m not so hot at the sewing but I LOVE the painting.

It was very good therapy for a midwife recovering from her first catch in three years!

Yep, this little midwife went to work on Wednesday night and at about 5am found herself with a 4th time mum in birthing suite. I wasn’t rostered on to be in delivery. I thought she had a while to go when she presented at our door. She was very quiet. I started doing the regular observations that we do when a lady comes in. Blood pressure, urine, foetal heart sounds… but before I could palpate two contractions, she started to push!!! I hit the buzzer for help and before I knew it I had my gloves on and a beautiful baby boy had come into the world!

Oh, I can’t tell you how amazing it is to be the first person to place your hands on new life! I was shaking and crying - so much so that the father of the baby thought it was my first time at a birth!!

It had been a while. So, so wonderfully amazing.

When I was a student a very wise midwife once told me ‘never take your eyes off a multi’ ( a lady who has had more than one baby). I have learnt my lesson well over the years. I was so excited, exillerated, honoured. I sent David a message but got no response ( he was bust with his own kind of night duty dramas at home) so when I left work I phoned my friend Carolyn. I knew she would be happy for me and would share in my excitement. That adrenalin got me through most of the day without feeling tired.

 

Just wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS to my dear friend Carolyn on receiving the honour of Midwife of the Year! Very much deserved!

My Bubble Bubs nappies are here. How long have I been trying to get my hands on some of these nappies??? I think for as long as we have been using cloth, I have been trying to secure these hard to come by items. Lovely, so nice to touch and work very well. Ivy gives them the big thumb’s up! Noah didn’t get any because the two I had in my trolley were stolen before I got to checkout!!!

Our bus has a name, courtesy of one of my good friends Trish, who suggested "Trevor".  I know, I know, it’s a boy’s name. So, for the first time in our family history we have a male vehicle. I told the kids, who have taken on the name and so Trevor it will be. Trevor, the terrible Toyota. Trevor Tregenza. Trev. A suitable name for a bus living in the sticks, me thinks.

Yesterday was David’s 36th birthday. Happy birthday baby! Only four years until the big 4.0…is that why you seemed a bit flat today? Got a bit of the birthday blues? We’ve seen a few birthdays together.

I think the first birthday I celebrated with David was his 19th. A group of us ambushed him as he was sleeping with breakfast and the Simpsons game of life! Oh those were the days! Expensive ice cream and coffee, Saturday morning sleep ins and afternoons in our little Suzuki down at Whale Beach. We were so young. Don’t get me wrong, 36 isn’t old at all and our life is still full of wonderful days… they just take on a different form and they mostly include seven children.

Winter is here at my house. It is freezing in the morning, freezing in the night and I know it’s Winter because ALL of my children have colds. Yep, all of them, in differing levels of illness, are sick with runny noses, terrible coughs, sore ears, sore throats and asthma, lots of asthma.

Winter was heralded by my having to spend $140 on asthma medication alone. That is without the panadol and cough medicine (for the two who DON’T have asthma), the tissues and the lip balm. Now David is sick too. So I am on my own in making sure all the kids are rugged up and warm, medicated and Vicks Vapourised.

I hate Winter and I hate doctors. Especially paeds who are overseas during the Tregenza sicky months. Lord, give me strength to get through this season.

It was a busy weekend in this household! On Saturday we all went from room to room and purged our lives of excess! Hooray. Admittedly, I still have to scrub the house down post purge and we didn’t make it to our bedroom (that will take a whole weekend in itself, I think) but all the kids’ rooms are done. I can see the floor in Lily’s room and there is actually some drawer space in Immy and Maddy’s wardrobe. The boys room is now free from  a littering of pokemon cards and marbles and my bathroom no longer has a build up of hand creams and body butters. We have cleansed our home of too many pieces of unused linen, clothes that don’t fit anymore and hoarded toys that are broken, don’t work or we are too old to play with. By the end of our day I noticed that I had nine, yes, nine clothes baskets of (what the children consider) dirty laundry.

If I have to wash it, THEY have to sort it! This task became what the kids have lovingly tagged  "the climbing of Clothes Mountain"! In true child fashion, the clothes were all dumped on the kitchen floor in one giant mound (Clothes Mountain), scaled and declared as property of the five mountaineers. *SIGH*

Eventually all clothes were sifted through and the mountain broken down to nine small managable hills to work through. Praying for sunny days for the next week, here.

Lately, the girls have been introducing Ivy and Noah to the joys of dressing up. As little ones, all three girls were avid lovers of dressing as fairies, pirates, Mary with the baby Jesus. Over the years they have dressed as doctors, midwives… when I told them that you didn’t need a doctor to birth  babies (that were shoved underneath oversized t-shirts), characters from Harry Potter, characters from Saturday morning cartoon programs…anyway, you get the picture.

Immy and Maddy started Lily very early on the whole dressing up type of play. When she was barely six weeks old I found her dressed (by the twins) in a large white hat, gloves up to her arm pits and a sparkly white and silver shirt (one of Immy’s favourites), so I guess it doesn’t come as a big surprise to me to find the little twins now dressing up…or should I say being dressed up.

Noah has taken a particular liking to a wig and hat combination! He actually suits being dressed as a girl and the other kids all laugh and clap and call him ‘Norah’. Of course, Noah laps it up and I find him going to the dress up box more and more to extract the Norah wig and hat. I don’t know if it’s because of the feel of the hair and hat or if it has more to do with the high level of attention he achieves with said hat on his head…I’m thinking the latter. Although, he is currently wandering around the house with a handbag over his shoulder…

The end of the week and the weekend has seen Ivy the daredevil take her stunts to new levels. Examples of this include teetering on the arm of a loungechair, licking the frost off the windows in Noah’s room, while I have Noah buck naked on the change table and scaling the ladder of the new bunk beds in Imogen and Madeline’s room. I just want to add here that the girls were asked to close their door for that very reason. Also that the bunks were purchased so Ivy and Noah could have the singles…who am I kidding? Imagine the scary things Ivy could attempt if she were in a bed! I think she may just be the first child known to man who has remained in a cot until adulhood! I am NEVER going to be ready for that child to transition to a big bed! Other scary stunts include; standing up in the highchair, even though she has been strapped in - she’s worked out that if she pulls her arms out of her sleep suit, it also allows her to escape the highchair straps and running along the verandah full force, not seeing that it finishes very soon and making very convincing attempts to fly. Oh dear. She gets into everything…EVERYTHING!

My mum just laughs and makes statements like…’oh you are going to have your hands VERY full with that one’. What does she mean, going to? Aren’t they already full to overflowing?

Our bus still has no name.

Someone from Belly Belly thought of Betty. I kind of like it, catchy, cute but the kids thought Betty was too old for a spanker like our newbie.

AJ thought of BoomBar…don’t ask. It has to be a boy thing.

David suggested Nicky Narcolepsy and while I laughed VERY hard at that one (in light of recent events) I said no. Don’t want to temp fate now, do we?

So our bus remains nameless.

Can you think of anything? She is sleek and white. David thought she could be called Susie because she is shaped like a suppository (how HE would know that is beyond me). He also thought Vicki would be good until I told him Viagra pills were blue. Hmmm.

He thinks she looks like something from the space age but as yet hasn’t come up with anything befitting that theme.

If you think of a good name, let me know, David’s thoughts are getting cornier by the minute!

I know alot about Bengal Tigers now. Go on, ask me about them. Lily had an assignment, where she had to pick an animal and research it. Tomorrow she will present the information to the class and be graded. I hope I get an A. Seriously. Lily might be doing the talking but I did all the hard yards for that report. If she gets an A. I’m claiming it as mine!

Did you know that the Bengal Tiger became a protected species in 1972 (the year I was born - not the year of the tiger, the year of the rat, oddly enough) and did you know that there are only 4000 wild tigers left in the world? I bet Lily doesn’t know those facts but she will…tomorrow.

Actually, researching brought back lots of childhood memories of cutting and pasting loads of information from those little fold out things that you used to buy in the newsagents. Onto large bits of cardboard. Presented neatly. To be stuck up on the wall of the classroom, never to be read again. Did the teachers ever really look at those things? None of the work was our own. The most we could claim would be the cutting…oh, and the pasting! I wonder if that is where my love of scrapbooking has originated from. Perhaps the school projects rubbed off in a way that now has me cutting and pasting my way through adulthood.

 

Today was education day up at Bellbird Public School. Mum, Ivy and Noah and I were entertained by the pupils with lots of different dancing, singing and skits. It was good fun. Noah didn’t think so, in the end. he wanted to "GO"! Ivy just wanted to eat her way from lap to lap. The poor kid has another middle ear infection but is holding her own. My mind was on Kelly, who still hasn’t had her baby. She has been admitted to hospital and we are waiting. She has been working so hard towards having a VBAC but it seems as though everything is pointing to caesarean. No final decision has been made though and so I sit waiting. it’s very distracting waiting for a woman to go into labour. It makes you feel kind of edgy, jittery.

On the way to the post office this afternoon (for more fluffy mail, I suspect) my brand new bus (who still remains nameless, despite many suggestions) decided to conk out. Yep, you heard it right. It died. I couldn’t get it going. we were on our way up a hill in the boonies, on a 100km road in a black spot, so we had no phone coverage. It had nightmarish qualities, not unlike a few weeks ago, with my OLD bus! UGH! This is just not meant to happen. The thing that surprised me was that NOBODY stopped! No one, not a soul. Not for fifteen whole minutes. Finally a kind woman stopped and helped me to slowly reverse it down the hill and onto a shoulder (off the dangerous road). He name was Kate. I can’t thank her enough. I walked up the hill until I got some reception and called David, who called the people who sold us the car all the names that a mild mannered man could muster. Eventually the car started and we limped home. Lucky. Very lucky. I don’t think the salesmen at Toyota will be as lucky when David is finished with them.

That’s all for tonight. I need to eat and try to sleep before tomorrow, just in case Kelly needs me.

I know this is really, really late but HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to all the mummies out there. Hope you had a lovely day. Mine was wonderful. I went shopping on Saturday, woke to brekkie in bed and pressies on Sunday then went out to lunch. It was perfect. The best thing of all was at the end of the day when the big kids ran me a hot bath and decorated the bathroom with candles and infused the air with essential oils. It’s nice to know that, for at least one day of the year, they ‘get’ me. Thanks kids! Love you lots.

I have recieved alot of nappies this week. Good retail therapy does wonders for the soul. My Beetlebums arrived. They are just the most devine minky nappies I’ve ever clapped eyes on. Ivy and Noah  took them for a test drive this morning and christened them well. My Twins In Cloth are here too. Very nice and my Baby Beehinds Bamboo are on their way via my sister in law.

Mum’s cave man nappies are here too and while Ivy loves hers,( ‘Awwww pretty’, she says as she rubs the fur) Noah’s are nothing but pull off material. On his first test drive of his blue cave man nappy, he came wandering out with it in hand. No matter how often I put it on, he pulled it off just as fast. It was the same deal with his orange one. Hmmm… I guess he’s more a minky man!

Last night we finally took delivery of our new bus. (Yay) It was surrounded by much anxiety and stress but finally it is ours. I drove it home from the dealers and must say it was a very smooth ride! I have been gliding here and there all day. Not once did I worry that I wouldn’t make it somewhere. Traditionally we have named our cars. Our last bus’ name was Madge, although I liked to lovingly think of her as Bertha. The kids were trying to think of an adequate name today but the best they could come up with was ‘Heaven’. I told them they needed to keep thinking.

We went to the post office early (in new gliding bus) for our parcels and amongst them we found the photos of Imogen, Madeline and Lily from the Miss Cessnock competition. The girls loved looking at them this afternoon. My little models! They were a long time coming and I thought that we had been taken for a ride, our money extracted and photographers having left the country (so weary and jaded am I) but NO. If you click on the girls names, it will link you to some of the shots. I think they look gorgeous (but I don’t know a mother who wouldn’t think their kids are cute).

Also today (wow how busy was I today?) I met up with a couple of the girls from Belly Belly, Sharon and Dee, to go for a walk. It was great. It was wonderful to get out of the house with some women who had babies around the same age as me. We simply walked and talked. It was a great idea of Sharon’s and now we are seriously considering starting up a Pram Pushing Club. We could advertise our walks at the Early Childhood Nurses Clinic and about town. It could be really good. I’d forgotten how much I actually enjoy walking.

My Scrapbooking class at the school will take off this Friday and I just had to post a photo of the paperbag album that I finished as an example. I am quite proud of it and hope that the children will be very happy with their efforts.

 

 

 

On a sad and final note for tonight. I just wanted to mention one of my online ‘friends’ Chris who sadly passed away on Mother’s Day. She leaves behind her husband and her little son, William. Rest In Peace, Chris. I hope that you are in heaven playing with your angel twins.

Yesterday we made our way back to the ENT doctor for Ivy’s follow up check up for her ears following what is now known in this house as the ‘great ear caper’. The doctor explained that Ivy has some immuno deficiency and neutropaenia and payed her a great deal of attention…finally. Now we have a plan for her ears and we know that the next few years will be bumpy. We know this because Imogen has the exact same thing. It’s not great news but it is good to know that the doctors might stand up and pay attention now. I feel validated and not so much like a crap mother, who can’t keep her baby well.

On another level, perhaps coming from my nursey side, it is all very interesting how genetics work. How something can skip a couple of kids and find its way to another. As if to trumpet her condition, Ivy has woken up with a temperature this morning after sleeping fitfully. Noah unexpectedly woke early too, so maybe they are both coming down with something. We’ll have to wait and see.

My house is a mess. I am the first to admit it and I am NO house cleaner. I hate it. It’s a very thankless task. In my house if you wash the floors in the morning, by lunchtime they need cleaning again. In my house, people are lined up at the toilet door to defoul your pristine sparkling toilet bowl the minute you finish the final scrub down. In my house there are clothes everywhere and my washing machine is constantly whirring in the background. My bedroom looks like a chinese laundry.

I’m getting a bit sick of it looking this way. I watched something on the Oprah show the other week where you clean out anything you haven’t touched for a year. I could do that. I could go room by room and do a massive clean. I AM going to do that but not this weekend. This weekend is mother’s day. It’s not a day to clean.

After three weeks of being off work in a sick leave related way, I am going back to night duty tonight. At 4am this morning after I had finally settled Ivy (from a midnight wake up) and then having Noah find his way into bed with us, the tears and frustrations came rolling out of me. I need to work. I need to do this because… (a) we need the money, (b) I like working as a midwife and when the kids are older I want to be able to work as an effective midwife, so I need to keep my foot in the door, (c) I get to be Tiffany the midwife, instead of Mum, wife, cook, slave, taxi driver, washer woman, counsellor, mediator, thing to cling to when we are frightened of the vacuum cleaner, thing to cling to when we are overtired and overwhelmed, pillow, leaning post, teddy bear. I just get to be me and I am recognised and appreciated for my skills. I don’t ever feel as though I am being taken for granted, even though it’s only night duty and I am not doing much for the women and their babies, they still like me for me… did I mention we need the money? LOL

So, I have enjoyed having the time off and not having to stay awake for 48hours before I can rest. I’ve loved being there for the kids, have enjoyed their company and having some degree of organisation about my day but it all has to start up again for the above reasons. My dream is to resign and to study and to start an antenatal outreach programme in the boonies. A house, where women can come for a chat and coffee, to talk about their pregnancies, have a check up, come if they are worried or scared or if they just need reassurance. I would love to be a midwife in that context.

I’m sure it will be fine once I’m there but the night duty dread is slowly taking over my thoughts today. The only other thing I can think about is that I have to teach ten kids how to do scrapbooking tomorrow on no sleep… it could be interesting.

Yesterday was the anniversary of my brother’s death. 15 years since he died. I wonder what he would be like now. Whether we would have any kind of relationship. I wonder what my Mum did for the day, she usually cleans.

Today is a VERY good day! My beautiful, amazing husband has found a way for us to be able to purchase a NEW bus!!!!! WOOHOO!  I never ever knew that I was living with my very own bus fairy. We went looking on the weekend and found the perfect bus for us. We drove it, loved it, the kids loved it, the babies loved it. It came in at a good price and Toyota in Cardiff gave us a more than fair trade in. Our only issue was funding but David worked it out. Things will be tight for a little while but I will have reliable, safe transport for all of us! Gotta be happy with that.

In other news, Ivy said her first two word sentence this morning. We have butterflies everywhere in our house (it is a symbol we use to acknowledge William) and they are everywhere outside in the garden too, so the girl has grown up with our winged friends. Anyway, she was playing with a butterfly on my bed this morning and she says, as clear as day… " Awwww, pritty b-fly" (Awww, pretty butterfly). It was so gorgeous and clear! I’d forgotten how amazing it is when babies start talking. As if that wasn’t enough, she made Imogen’s day when she called out "Immy!" from her carseat this afternoon. She is such a smart little button. She wanted to go outside this afternoon and was tapping on the door. I explained to her that we would have to wait until Noah woke up and she pottered away, happy with that. About half an hour later, we heard Noah cry out. Well, she was up and at his door within seconds, saying ‘Nono, Nono’ (Noah’s nickname for himself is ‘Nono’). As soon as I opened the door she was in there babbling away to her brother about something that I didn’t get. Obviously he did because as soon as I had put him on the floor they both made their way to the door and Ivy started her tapping again!

If she wants something that her sisters have, she puts her little hand out and cries "share, SHARE!" or "Ta, Ta" and the volume escalates if it’s not given straight away. Miss bossy pants.

Noah is smart too. He lets her do all the talking and reaps the rewards! Very clever lad that one.

Ivy had a haircut yesterday, her first. She now has a perfectly adorable fringe to go with her little curls.

I’ve dobbed myself and Mum into making eight ABBA costumes for Starstruck (Mum if you read this before I have a chance to talk to you, don’t have a stress out, it will be FINE). Oh and eight A-line skirts too. We have a month to do them all. GULP

Tracey started her new job today and I miss her already.

Leanne finished up and I met my new counsellor Emma. She seems ok.

AJ made the football team.

Lily made it to the Zone Cross Country

Immy and Maddy have just registered for their next dance eisteddford, they have solos in the school choir and are both rehersing for Starstruck.

Maddy had a new friend over for the weekend and she was lovely. Maddy seemed really happy.

Things are looking up! It’s Mother’s day on Sunday, wonder what may blow my way.

Mum presented Ivy and Noah’s  knitted longies to me yesterday. They ARE gorgeous!

Of course, Ivy and Noah are wearing them today and look very cute as they toddle around. There is just something about handmade stuff that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Alot of love went into those pants. Thanks Mum!

Last night I discovered that I am teaching Scrapbooking to a class of children at Bellbird PS. The girls put me forward to take on the task and I was advised yesterday that I needed to be ready to go for Friday (tomorrow)! EEEK! What am I going to do? I haven’t even thought about it. Maybe a paper bag album would be good. Small, cost effective and you can use scraps of paper to pretty it up. I better get organised!

More nappies for me (I mean Ivy and Noah hee, hee) I won a Beetlebums auction for a custom made minky nappy the other day. I get to pick everything. Mel, the owner and WAHM contacted me and offered to make one for each baby! I am over the moon with this! I’ve picked a green and a yellow minky. I have to say that minky (think thick, short, soft fur type material) is my favourite material for nappies. So soft and on a cute little bottom, so, SO cute. I am looking forward to this fluffy mail, that’s for sure!

Here is a picture of Noah in his Dalmation Berry Plush minky nappy, comparing spots with Linus the dog. Mmmmm, minky

Maddy is fine. Her haemoglobin levels are a little low but otherwise all is good with her. Nothing that some iron tablets can’t fix. PHEW. The lumps are a result of prolonged infection. The Gods were smiling down on this family today.

Calling ALL car fairies!!! my bus has broken AGAIN. If you would be so kind as to remove and replace it with a brand spanking new bus (silver or blue for preference but REALLY not fussy at this stage) I would be most appreciative. Thanking you in Advance.

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!! 

Yesterday Noah had his frenulum ligated or, in layman’s terms, his tongue tie released. No longer does my boy have a forked tongue when he tries to stick it out and waggle it at his sisters (and sometimes his mother)!!!! Oh beautiful flat tongue that can now make it out, past his bottom lip, tongue who may now be able to help Noah use a sippy cup and a straw, that will allow him to lick an ice cream and eat and speak properly.

It all went swimmingly.

I felt bad for not having it done earlier but yesterday, I was glad I waited. Noah took it all so well AND charmed the pants off the recovery nurses (thanks again Newcastle Private girls). That boy is a real blessing.

Today he is as happy as always. It’s as though he never had it done. The world needs more easy going babies.

There is nowhere else in the world that I can go to the toilet to discover an Action Man staring down at me from a toilet paper pyramid. My kids can really make my day. make me smile, forget my worries with something so simple. Oh to be a child again.

We have had such a busy, busy week here. My head is spinning. We have had sickness and lots of blood tests. First for Ivy and then for Maddy. Maddy found a lump in her neck some time ago. It hasn’t gone away. She has some other things going on too - tired, bruising, nose bleeds. She’s lost 6kg. Her paed has ordered some tests and so we have gone through the motions of having them done. My heart will not let it steal itself into thinking the worst. It’s most likely nothing. A prolonged infection and the tests are just a better to be safe than sorry kind of thing. I guess we’ll find out, when I ring the doctor.

Noah, after a month of pretending to walk, has finally taken the plunge and is pottering around the house, arms out like chicken wings, for balance. It’s very cute to watch but another reminder that my babies are growing up way too fast. Last week I let them feed themselves a yoghurt for the first time, with hilarious results. Thankfully it was the end of the day and I could strip them both down and put them in the bath and their yoghurt infused clothing through the wash.

Ivy in true baby girl fashion has a fetish for shoes and handbags. She follows me around most days with shoes in her hands grizzling for me to put them on her. They are not necessarily HER shoes, anybody’s will do. She says "schoo..schoo, (pushes shoe into nearest family member’s hand) SCHOOOOO!!!!!"  Very cute MOST of the time.

I have had a bit of a cloth nappy binge this week. My ultimate in retail therapy. Sad for some, heaven for others. I purchased 4 new Baby Beehind Bamboo nappies, two Lou Lou nappies and some Twins In Cloth nappies. Mum has been busy too. She has been knitting madly and produced a gorgeous soaker for Ivy and for Noah, she has almost finished a pair of blue and red longies. Oh, drool. I LOVE my mum! Next on the nappy making for her are some cave man nappies. I have cut some faux fur and some pink fleece, which she is going to line with PUL and put some bamboo fleece in for the absorbent layers. I’m hoping for a cute yet functional nappy for all occasions!

Just wanted to share also, my kids’ obsession for Beanie Bears. I took some pics of them yesterday, with all of the bears. Just when I think we have MORE than enough bears in our home, more find their

way in!!! I think the girls first started collecting when it was more fun to get toys for chores, rather than money and it has continued on as a love for all things Beanie.

Not much else to write about at the moment. We are on the countdown for Kelly’s impending birth, so not wanting to go too far away. One of the girls Dee, from Belly Belly, came out to talk to Kel about VBAC. I think it was really good to get the perspective from someone who has done it successfully. I was really grateful to Dee for it. I’ve told her before that she is my VBAC pin up girl! Someone I really admire.

They really do.

Yesterday, there was a cancellation at our medical centre to see a new female doctor. She was competent, thorough and on my side! She called the ENT and we are back on treatment for Ivy’s ear. We are going to have tests done to see WHY a little baby girl keeps getting otitis media over and over again, despite treatment.

I even thanked her…profusely.

and I felt like I had finally done something to help my daughter. I felt like I was an ok Mum, for the first time in weeks.

Let’s start this entry off on a happy note. One of my friends brought around an old, blue, plastic, ride in car. I think this car has gone through a few midwives’ children. It’s old and battered and has pieces missing. The steering wheel is wobbly and there is a piece of rope tied to the front so that it can be pulled along. Noah LOVES it! We have had the car for just under a week and there has not been a day when I haven’t found him sitting in it. He will not relinquish it for anyone, though many have tried. It is the first thing that Noah has ever claimed for himself. His ‘carcar’. On the first day of his love affair with ‘carcar’ I found him, after all the kids had dragged him around all day, planted in front of the television. Anyone who knows Noah will find this amazing as he doesn’t usually stay still for anything and yet, there he sat in his car for over an hour before he demanded that Lily take him for another ride. In the end I had to pick him up, kicking and screaming out of ‘carcar’ and into his highchair for dinner and a bath. Within minutes of these tasks being completed, I found him, once again in the blue car. It is the first thing he asks for in the morning and if we are out he will say to me ‘go - car’. He loves it more than anything else. His grandmother thinks he is a petrol head. His father thinks it is cute and funny. I am amazed at how these things are woven into the male being. The other day I found him in the car saying ‘Broom, Broom!!!’ How did he know that? No one taught him as far as I know. Is it a male thing, that they just know about cars and have a love for them, even from a really young age? At least it will make birthdays easy, knowing that my boy loves all things vehicle.

Our bus came back to us on Friday, our wallets over $1000 lighter! It came home with a dire warning that we need to get rid of it as there was more breaking in the old bus and we would soon see our purses emptier. Dave is now scouring all the internet spaces and car lots that sell buses. How we are ever going to afford a new bus is beyond me but I guess I can let the man dream.

Today I tried to get Ivy some more medical attention from her paed ( Dave says I can’t mention names - for fear of being sued so for naming purposes he shall be known as Micky Shortergan) After a nightmarish week before where we finally saw Micky on the Thursday, only to have him charge us a hundred bucks for nothing and then turning around the very next day to see the ENT doctor who put the grommets in her ears (for naming purposes will be known as Associate Professor Skippy) only to be told that there was nothing in her ears and to go home and get over it, Ivy spent the weekend getting sicker and sicker. With no antibiotics and no drops to fight off her imaginary infection, by Sunday she had temperatures in the 39s. Come monday we thought we would be able to get some help. You’d think that, wouldn’t you? If it were your baby, you would do everything you could to get her better. I’m sure if these doctor’s children required medical attention, they would NOT be fobbed off. They would expect the very best in care, right? Ok, forget that they are doctors and that they could probably treat their own babies for just a second… they would want them to be seen. That’s all I wanted. For someone to see her, concede she was very ill and treat her accordingly. Easy, right? Wrong.

We phoned Micky Shortergan, who promptly told us that Ivy was not his patient and not his problem to refer back to Skippy, as he put her grommets in. Fair enough. Even though I beg to differ. I think she IS his patient and his problem but anyway. He IS a paediatrician after all and shouldn’t a paediatrician look after his child patients? Besides that, he referred her onto Skippy for care, so doesn’t Ivy become his problem by default? I digress…

We called Skippy’s rooms to be confronted with an answering machine stating that his rooms were closed for the day. GREAT. So we called back Micky. His receptionist said she would get him to call us back. In the meantime we tried to get into our local medical centre. Ok, if you are happy to wait three days and see the doctor nobody likes. *SIGH* Of course the paed never called back and Ivy is still as unwell as ever. Nothing has been resolved regarding her imaginary ear infection. My poor babygirl.

Tomorrow is a new day however…bring on tomorrow!

Here are some positive affirmations for tomorrow;

tomorrow the big kids will be back at school (YAY)

tomorrow I WILL speak to a competent doctor and I WILL get Ivy the help that she needs

tomorrow I won’t feel so angry and bitter with the medical community up here in the boonies, I may even thank one of them

tomorrow I will feel like a good mother again and I won’t have to stress about my baby being so sick anymore.

Ahhh, tomorrow.

Gee, it’s been a while and so much has happened. Where do I start?

Ivy is still unwell and pretty miserable on it today. I feel so sad for her that I can’t get proper care for her ear. David is trying to contact the paed again today, so we’ll see what happens there. Not that I would be able to get to his rooms because our bus broke down last Thursday and it is still off the road and in Ford at Cessnock…waiting for a miracle…. waiting, like Jesus, to rise again on the third day.Personally, I don’t think it will. I think it has been on it’s last legs (or wheels) for the last few months, driving on borrowed time, so to speak. *SIGH* I need some rich relative to magically appear or a car fairy to deposit a new bus on my doorstep, that would be better, then I wouldn’t feel like I owed anyone anything!

Anyway, coming back to reality, now. The bus lost its power steering, its air conditioning and its temperature control on Thursday, only months after some pump had gone in it and we forked out to replace one plastic piece of pipe for an amazing amount of money. The mechanic near David’s parents’ tried to fix it and was unable to get the parts so sent us home, only for something else to break on the way. Leaving us driving down the main street of Cessnock with white smoke billowing from the front and that horrible burnt rubber smell trailing behind us. I think it’s safe to say I hate the bus. We used to have a beautiful new Pajero. It was so lovely to drive. I miss it, although I wouldn’t trade back my two babies for a nice car. I’ll take the cherubs anyday.

So, we are pretty much stuck until it’s fixed. That’s funny because I have appointments and excursions all week that will now need to be cancelled. I don’t take kindly to having to stay at home at the best of times. I don’t do cabin fever well.

Last week was a pretty good week, aside from the run around from the inadequate medical profession up here in the boonies. On Thursday (the day the car died) we drove down to Sydney in the afternoon but before that we went to Imogen and Madeline’s first ever dance eisteddfod. It was a real eye opener to the seriousness of the dance community up here. OMG there were stern-faced, die-hard dance mothers everywhere and the girls who were performing were even more so! I am NOT a dance mother. I don’t think I ever will be. Slap me please, someone, if I ever go down that path! I can’t imagine devoting my weekends to trapsing all over the countryside with costumes and make up kits on trollies and kitting out the bus with wardrobe rails and change rooms for my kid’s two minutes of (local) fame!!!! I can’t ever imagine Immy and Maddy ever being so serious about dance comps that they don’t smile and talk with the other competitors! Some of the girls were like performing seals, getting up time and time again with well polished routines and plastic smiles on their heavily painted faces. It was kind of creepy in an American girl’s beauty pagent, kind of way.

The girls got in there though, in their usual, happy, give anything a go way and danced their stripey knickerbockered legs off. They smiled and generally had a wow of a time. They were nervous but what kid isn’t when they are going in a competition. I was very proud of them. So was Kelly, their teacher. They were great. As first timers too, they were only one point off a highly commended, so Kelly and I took that as a great achievement! I’m happy for them. If they want to do those kinds of things, I’ll support them 100% but only while it’s fun and they are enjoying themselves. It shouldn’t be work and as Kelly said, if their heart isn’t in it, the judges can tell and they won’t do well. They’ll lose their spark. I think that’s kind of sad that it gets to a point that the children will keep on doing something they are not enjoying just to please their mothers. The next big question is why do mothers want to push their kids in that way? Is it to relive some childhood desire that they once held for themselves? Who knows.

Sydney; We stayed the night at David’s Parents house. The kids had a ball. They love spending time with Grandma and Pop and the adults are all too aware that it’s borrowed time now before the teenage years. Before they don’t want to spend time with the elders in their family. We all take what we can get and relish in it. I left what Pop lovingly described as ‘the madhouse’ to babysit for my sister in law. Our gorgeous niece was born last December and my gift offering to her exhausted mother, for her birthday, was a night out with her hubby and no baby. I have to say, I really enjoyed just looking after one little one. I gave her a bath and a cuddle and she (eventually) went off to sleep. Then it was quiet. For the remainder of the evening. I had to get up and check on the baby a couple of times, so unfamiliar to the quiet, was I. Of course, Mum and Dad weren’t out for long. I remember the first time David and I went out without babies. It was wierd and I just wanted to go home. Nice too but so far removed from normal life for us.

The next day was Mal’s 9th birthday and we decided we would take him to the Easter Show this year. It had been three years since we had ventured into the chaos of the show and that was sans babies, so this was going to mean organisation plus!!!! It was a fantastic day! Everyone enjoyed themselves and thoroughly worn out, we trekked back to our base and crawled into bed at around 10:30 pm. We did the animal walk and the babies got to pat a pig and we saw the sheep being judged. (I always find it ironic that we travel from the country to the city to view the country). Mum bought the girls some beautiful freshwater pearls and Lily got this cat, in a bed, that when you turn the darn thing on, it makes a breathing motion! Trust Lily to pick something like that! Mal went straight for the Hotwheels display in the Kids World tent, while the girls and AJ made a beeline for the Beanie Bears! Maddy was lucky enough to win a limited edition Easter Show bear(only 300 worldwide) so she was thrilled!

My personal favourite is always the fruit and veg pavillion, with all the different stands and free taste testing. David dared me to try an 18 years and over only  10+++++ chilli from the Chilliman stall. It blew my head off. Literally. I was hallucinating, I’m sure. My head was throbbing, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. It was that hot. I won’t buy into Dave’s dares again. Never ever. Lesson definately learnt there. We did the showbags and went to the arena for the night activities but by then Ivy and Noah were so over being in the carriers and just wanted to get up and wander around. Very hard when you are sitting on a steeply sloped grassy bit. When made to sit down, Noah produced an almighty, highpitched squawk, that was driving everyone (especially me) ballistic and with Ivy trying to do a runner every time I looked the other way, it all got a bit too much for this weary Mum and we made a hasty exit. Of course Gran couldn’t let the kids go home without one ride and I think that in hindsight, it was the perfect end to a wonderful day. There were no lines to have to wait in, so the kids were straight on. Because it was the end of the day, the ride operator gave them an extra long go. With balloons and bags and very tired feet we made our way home.

See ya Easter Show! See you in another three years…maybe.

Ok, Easter is officially over in this house! If I ever see, smell or taste another chocolate egg again, it will be too soon! UGH, chocolate overload, my friends is NOT a pretty sight in a thirty - something woman. OOOOHHHH, my belly. I know, I know, no sympathy for self inflicted wounds. It was fun until last night. Then, I just needed for all chocolate to be gone from our home. I am seriously starting the cabbage soup diet on Wednesday! Anything to get away from chocolate. I need to purge all those impurities from my system, so that I can be ready…for Christmas, the ultimate day in over indulgence!!!! LOL! Seriously though, I am sick of chocolate. If I had to gage seratonin levels due to eating of said indulgence, I would be waging a bet that I would be considered an EXTREMEMLY happy person, right now. I’m sure those levels of happy hormone are dangerous.

Had a nice quiet, rainy day. The boys had their access visit with their mother (always a not fun time for the family afterwards) and the girls, babies, Dave and I pottered off to the local video store, where the rest of the town had already been, so we were only able to borrow the DVDs that nobody wanted, Oh and the kids flicks that we have seen 1000 times before. No, I jest. We did get Charlotte’s Web. When I watched it, all I could wonder was…is Dakota Fanning aging at all???? I think that girl is one of those kids who is never going to grow up. She’ll be 30 and still look six!  The girls enjoyed it and another pre teeny type movie called Step Up. Immy, my little drama, dancing, all round performer, romantic, thought it was "the best movie she’d ever seen". (She says that with every movie that has a hunky male dancer in it, I’ve noticed). We ate fish and chips and generally slothed around the house.

I want to tell you about the recent move in bath time activities in this house. It used to go something like this; The big kids run a bath and take turns going in, as pairs, sometimes topping up the water with warmer additions. While this is progressing, I feed and bath the babies and by the time they have had a little play, one of the big girls are usually out to help me dry and dress the pair.

This is how it has gone of late. I ask the big kids to start the bath routine. No one moves. The babies get fed and I start their bath routine, continually reminding the others that dinner will be ready soon. Still there is little movement until I redirect their energy (or lack there of) into running the tap for baths. Most nights I get asked if they can skip…what is that? As a pre teen, I think you are at your smelliest. It’s a time when a kid REALLY needs to wash, why do they suddenly think they can get away without cleaning themselves???? When I argue my point, I am then asked if they can shower instead of bath and even though I constantly remind them that a shower uses up to ten litres of water a minute, they do not budge. Another new pre teen thing. I compromise and say a short one only and all girls in at once and then both boys. Anything for five fresh bodies at the dinner table. Most nights they are pretty good but some nights I shudder to think what my family is doing for the water supply in NSW.Not only am I getting rebellion in the 9 - 11 year old bracket, the babies have decided that they like to move and splash and try to turn on taps while I am bathing them. Sometimes, I think I come out of the bathroom wetter than them! They have started this game (for want of a better word) where as soon as I get onto my hands and knees, they splash me. If I stand up, they get up, throw their legs up and over the top of the bath and yell "geeowwwwt" (get out in twin speak). I get down again to wash them and immediately they start in with the splashing and the squealing and the giggling. Sometimes they slip and slide and my heart jumps into my throat but mostly the are limbre little bath pixies, who move so quickly, it’s sometimes hard to catch them to wash their crawling feet (where the tops of their feet are blackened with floor mank) or to wash the buttery sandwich leftovers out of their hair. Some nights I am exhausted just from bath time alone, mostly I laugh though and enjoy the moments. Knowing, all too well that there will come a day in 9 - 11 years time, when they won’t want to bath, pretend to bath, skip their bath or when I say bath, think I mean shower.

 

 

My next gripe for today is about girls not wanting to brush their hair over  the school holiday period. Ok, I understand that it gets a little old having your hair raked up into a ponytail every day and reminded that it is nit season for 90% of the school year and I DO allow them some slack when school break comes but really, don’t they know that if they don’t brush their hair for a number of days that it WILL get knotty and if it does become encrusted with dredlocky knots, that when your mother comes along to brush them out it IS going to hurt. ALOT.

My mum used to say to me, you can’t put an old head on new shoulders, that kids need to learn the hard way. Ok, but can’t they learn the hard way with shiny, neatly brushed hair? Is that too much to ask? *SIGH* I guess I’m missing the point here. I know Mum is right, they will learn through their own mistakes but why can’t they do it later, when they are older and living in their own flat, with a housemate or a boyfriend to (kindly) brush out their knots, why now, when there are three long haired beauties (and another one rapidly growing hers) and a mother (whose hair is VERY short) who just doesn’t get it???

When my own long hair knotted ouches got too much for my mum, when I was in fifth grade, strangely enough, she took me to "Bruno’s" and had it all cut off in a time when being able to sit on your hair during school was REALLY cool. I can’t seem to do that to my girls. I sigh and moan and carry on but when it all boils down to it, I like their hair long. Whinge two over.

Finally my last purge of disgust comes when I discovered that Ivy’s newly grometted ears (actually only her left) were discharging blood and pus. Of course it was a public holiday. For city dwellers, this probably wouldn’t pose much of a problem but for those of you living in the boonies, like us,it’s easy to understand how something as simple as going to a GP, for a script of antibiotics, to fight off obvious infection, can become a living nightmare.

To start with there was NOTHING open in Cessnock. We phoned the hospital, to ask if we should present there. We knew what the problem was, it wouldn’t take long. Their answer?

"We are very busy, if you think she needs to come in, then you’d better bring her up but remember, this is an emergency department. We can’t give you anymore information over the phone". That was it. What were we supposed to do with that? She was by no means an emergency but if we didn’t do something she could become one.

So we then moved onto the next hospital (remember, we are out in the boonies here, friends) they, at least had an after hours GP service but the receptionist told us our area was not covered and so we could either present to ED or have a phone conversation with an RN. We took the RN. She was very direct and thought that young Ivy best be seen by a GP. She phoned our local hospital who gave HER the exact same speel as us. When she came back to the phone, she offered us a long wait at said hospital or an appointment at the next town hospital (3/4 of an hour away) to see a doctor. We took the appointment. That went very smoothly and with our script in hand we set about finding a pharmacy. Easy, right? No, not easy at all. We had to drive another twenty minutes to find one. On the way home I realised that Ivy’s secretions had not been swabbed and that was a bugbear with her paediatrician, that they never swabbed! I ummed and arrhed for a while but in the end I started the antibiotics and gave her another dose of panadol. I guess I’ll deal with my lack of swab results when next I see the paed!

Wow, this has turned into a monster post. Good thing there are photos to break it up!! LOL. It’s late and with all that off my chest, I think I am going to bedfordshire!

Today it has been raining. Sometimes hard and sometimes just drizzling. It kind of compliments the day that it is. William’s angel day. The day, three years ago, that we let William go. There were so many highs and lows of the five days surrounding his birth and death. The lowest was having to turn off the ventilator. His death, although terrible, was beautiful as well. We were in the courtyard just outside of the NICU ward at Westmead. The sun was out but it wasn’t too hot. All of our family were there and some of our friends. If a life had to be lost, it was the nicest way to lose it.

We have come so far in three years. So much has happened. I look at my family now and I think I can let myself feel ok today. I woke up angry. As seems to be my trait on William’s angel day but it soon left me and I did feel a kind of peacefulness that I haven’t had for the last two anniversaries. Maybe it was the break in the weather. Maybe it was all the kids looking towards the sky, hopeful that their brother and cousin was looking down on them, I’m not sure but as we released our balloons to the heavens, the sun peaking through the dark clouds, I felt okay. Not happy but not sad or angry or confused but present. Definately there, in the moment.

We let the balloons go and watched them for as long as we could see them. They floated really high this year. They soared!

David’s Mum came up to be with us and Dave cooked his famous fried rice and we ate all our favourite foods. More chocolate eggs and ice cream (good depression busting food).

The kids are all watching a DVD now and Dave and I are just veging. Ivy and Noah are roaming around the lounge room, occasionally turning the DVD off. We’re all a bit tired, I think but it’s nice to be together for a change.

So it’s good Friday and we are not supposed to eat meat. That’s good because meat is overrated in my opinion, anyway. Give me chocolate!!!! No! Chocolate is naughty and addictive and fattening! Say no to chocolate (if you can)! What about chocolate in the shape of a fish? If you turn a chocolate rabbit on it’s side, it kind of looks like a fish…kind of…if you squint..alot.

It is 10:30am after a night duty shift and I have already eaten most of the chocolate in the house. I say that, hanging my head in shame (and licking the last of the chocolate off my fingers at the same time)! Girls (and husbands, babies and nephews) NEED chocolate, especially when it is that time of the month and you have an angel day tomorrow and you haven’t slept for 36 hours. So, Easter has come early this year, actually, it comes early most years but it was never so obvious as two chocolate stained babies in the late afternoon sunlight! When I had Imogen and Madeline I was resolute in my denial of chocolate, Mc Donalds and fizzy drink for babies. Four children later and I have definately slipped on the chocolate deal. Ivy and Noah have had a chocolate party over the last couple of days…what happened to my resolve? Am I slack for allowing my toddlers to indulge in the sweet, sweet brown goo? Yes! I shall have to put a stop to it right now! Yay! more chockie for me! LOL

Yesterday Mum came over and brought with her two balloons for William’s angel day. Bless my Mum, I think it is often hard for  her to watch as I grieve William, especially since she has been there too, with her son and My brother, Kevin and only one day outide  of William’s death. She is from a generation that swept their feelings under the rug, so to travel this journey with me is no mean feat.

The babies discovered that two balloons can be more fun than ANYTHING else in the world and proceeded to bat, pull, throw, punch and bob said balloons. I tried to get some photos but they were moving so fast, I only got fleeting glimpses of the fun that was had. It was lovely though for the babies to enjoy them, and I the babies, in the context of what those balloons were meant for. Easter is such a prominent time in this house, for so many reasons.

I have also, in the last couple of days, had to decomission some of my favourite cloth nappies because Ivy and Noah’s legs are just too chunky at the moment and the fit just isn’t right. While this is sad, it also gives me liscence to do more shopping and to receive more fluffy mail!!! (Shhh, don’t tell David - he just doesn’t get the modern cloth nappy obsession, just as I fail to see why he salivates over a voip box).

I decided I might try some Peapods. I was introduced to them  at the reusable nappy week and they look like they could be a good work horse nappy for us. I like pocket nappies at the moment, more than fitteds. My mum was making me a nice little stash of nappies but I have worked her too hard and she has used words like slave and driver in the one sentence, too often these days. So, I will give her a break and give my wallet a beating instead.

Here’s to fluffy mail, chocolate induced bliss and balloon filled angel days.

Happy Easter everyone, may you have a peaceful, happy time.

Last night, my friend and midwife from William and Ivy and Noah’s birth, Carolyn called. I was really happy to hear from her. She always brings a smile to my face and is very happy and open to talking about William. I miss her alot and always feel lighter after I have talked with her. She helped me through some really dark days and I will always be thankful to her. She has taught me alot about myself, life and the universe.

Today, Ivy is running a high temperature. Not sure what is going on there. Hopefully just post op…something or other and nothing to be too worried about.Other than that, since the op, she has been walking EVERYWHERE!!!! Hardly falling over at all. It is amazing. A simple tube  or two in the ear can give a girl the best balance! Oh and the other thing I noticed was that she has been making the ‘t’ sound today, which is a newy for her.

 Noah has been his usual easy going self, although he did have a monster tanti this morning when he woke up. I think I’ll put it down to having a cold and asthma and just generally feeling lack lustre.

I went to counselling…Oh yes, even mothers with seven children need a shoulder to cry on every once in a while. I am not adverse to admitting weakness and especially at this time of year. Anyway…counselling; I usually cry alot and today really wasn’t an exception, when Leanne told me that she had handed in her resignation. Oh, I do understand that she has to do what is right for her, I do but… you let your guard down and learn to trust… It’s hard to imagine starting again with someone new. It’s hard to imagine talking through all those intimate things that brought you to counselling in the first place…all over again. *SIGH* I am a firm believer, though, in what will be, will be and that these things happen for a reason. We have five weeks left to try and tackle the bigger issues and in the mean time, I have to make a decision about where I want to go with all of this.

Grief is a very complex thing sometimes. It can eat you up and spit you out any day of the week, if it wants. Somedays I think I am doing ok and others, I just want to crawl into a small space and hide. Our society has it’s beliefs and expectations of how long grief should hang around, how we, as humans should deal with the feelings that go along with loss but in reality, grief doesn’t live up to expectations. Grief has it’s own agenda. It does what it likes and I am quickly learning that the more you try to avoid grief, the longer it sticks around, making a pest of itself.

I don’t think that I have dealt with Will’s death well. I think I am only starting to get down to it now. I have never known anything like this raw feeling. My dad died, my brothers and grandparents have died but I just felt sad. Losing my baby was and is still so overwhelming sometimes. The absolute devastation, the anger, the self blame and guilt. It is something that can easily engulf you.

With that over, I went home to meet up with Kelly, the girls’ dance teacher and quickly becoming a lovely friend. She is 35 weeks pregnant and hoping to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean). She has asked me to come in with her for support and I have to say I am honoured. I’m sure this is what frustrated midwives must do; seek out pregnant friends and wedge their way into their pregnancy and birth!! I am hoping to help her have a beautiful birth. We have been doing lots of work towards this goal. I’ll be taking my phone to bed with me from now on I think, in case, I get a  late night phone call! It’s pretty exciting. Kelly, of course, is just over the last few weeks of pregnancy. You know that time, when everything aches? She’s there. With bells on!

Well, I think I’ve waffled on enough for now. Ivy and Noah are having a little lie down before we trek into Newcastle again for the girls’ choir practice. I’m wondering what I am going to do for two hours with two babies and three kids while it is raining….we’ll sort it out.

… when the Terrible Tregenzas make their way into Taronga for the day! I don’t know who was watching who yesterday when we went to the zoo, we went to see the chimps and as I was standing there, with my wild brood of children, it suddenly occured to me that it was crazy taking the zoo to the zoo. I didn’t need to go all the way into Sydney to see the monkies’ antics, I could have stayed at home and just observed my own children for a few minutes!

Seriously though, we had a fantastic day. A special celebratory day, a rare field trip, in memory of our very special boy. The sunshine was gorgeous and the view was amazing. The kids had a lovely time, even the babies. We went to see the tigers. Everytime one of these massive beasts roamed past the window, Ivy yelled out ‘cat, CAT!!!!’ and because of all the exotic animal smells that were around, Noah was constantly questioning whether he had a ‘pppprooo?’ (poo in Noah language). We saw a porqupine, which Immy described as half wombat half echidna and Maddy thought looked like a wombat in a tutu! Lily loved the iguanas and the boys just enjoyed every single thing. Their eyes were bright and happy and clear, their smiles infectious. At 3:06pm, one of the girls started to quietly sing Happy Birthday to our angel boy and just as quietly, everyone joined in, including David. It was just one of those really memorable days and was well worth the effort.Maddy was right, William would have LOVED the zoo.

We got home very late and slept in this morning, which would have been ok, except that Ivy had to be at Newcastle Private at 9:15am for her grommets. Thankfully,a good friend, Tracey, had offered to mind Noah and the big kids all had school.

You know those people who come into your life at just the right time and are everything that you prayed for? Well, Tracey is one of those people. When I was floundering with PND and everything else that goes along with mothering babies, Tracey magically appeared. She was one of the girls’ friend’s mothers and I didn’t know her very well to begin with but we have become very good friends and I will be forever grateful that she came into my life when she did. I am very lucky that way. There are always good people coming into my life.

Anyway, we got there. Ivy was not a happy camper because she had been Nil By Mouth and had missed out on breakfast (God forbid that Ivy miss out on ANY kind of food but to miss out on brekkie is like missing out on Lotto, when you had the winning ticket, as far as Ivy is concerned)! She rallied well though when everyone started commenting on how cute she was and then when her mother had to put on a silly theatre hat, she was all smiles!

I did ask the anaesthetist to give her a long acting drug, to help her sleep for a long time. Sadly, he thought I was joking. Instead he gave her something which induced a kind of hyperactivity that I had never seen in a little girl. The recovery nurses, although lovely, could not get rid of her fast enough!!! She ran them ragged! Wouldn’t let them put the oxygen probe on her finger or toe and kept ripping all her name bands off, wriggling, dancing, swinging. Oh Ivy!

I have to say I was so impressed with the whole hospital experience. The doctor was nice, professional yet kind, the anaesthetist efficient. The nurses, lovely. There was none of the usual operating theatre pomp and circumstance. (Being a nurse/midwife, it really means something when you, as a parent, are treated well) The we are better than you mentality was just not there. Ivy went in dressed in her regular clothes, no scary gowns and when I went to recovery to be with her, I didn’t have to gown up. It made the whole surgery process alot easier and less overwhelming for the both of us, I think.

Now I just need to get rid of the kid’s terrible colds and asthma and all will be well. Noah is very wheezy still and all of the kids, yep, all seven, have had heavy head colds for the last week. I think I am thankful that the school holidays are rapidly approaching. We all need a break from routine.

Happy Birthday William David Tregenza.

May you be swaddled in angel hugs and bathed in butterfly kisses.

Know that we love you and miss you every single day. There is an empty space in our hearts without you here.

Yesterday was our last day of Prelude. It was a great morning. Ivy and Noah had fun doing Easter craft. We had cake and I got everyone’s contact details. I am really going to miss Belinda and the group. It was such a positive experience for us but onwards and upwards they say.

Today I took Ivy to meet an Ear Nose and Throat doctor to discuss her need for grommets. He agreed wholeheartedly (thank goodness) and we are sceduled for surgery next Tuesday. Of course, Ivy is none the wiser at the moment. He also thought that perhaps Ivy needed to have a sleep study due to her sleep (or lack there of) patterns and the way she wakes.( Lucky he thought that because I’d already booked her in ;) I know as soon as our time comes for the study, she will make a liar out of David and I and sleep through the night. We’ll be none the wiser and just look like silly, over protective parents with acopia due to said child. Hopefully, she will do what she does at home and we might be able to sort things out with the no sleep wonder baby. Lord knows, we could all do with a good night’s sleep.

I know she started off in her own bed last night but have no idea when she made her way into ours. All I know is that when I woke, she was face up on my chest, arms sprawled out on either side of me, dozing. Dummy hanging halfway out of her mouth. She must have felt that she got her required number of hours to function properly but I certainly didn’t feel that way about her or about the amount of sleep I had! Will have to get David to put some photos up tonight (of prelude, not of me or Ivy  in various states of sleep or lack there of).

I’m not really worried about the surgery. I’ve done this three times before with the other girls. I suppose the timing could have been better, being the day after Will’s birthday. It kind of punctuates to me how the world keeps on turning, even though a little life has gone from the earth. Always moving forwards. The weekend leading up to his birthday is so busy and the week busier still. Perhaps one day, it will all pass without my heart standing still for those five days. I hope not in a weird sort of way…maybe just get a little easier.

Today was a BUSY day. For a start, we all forgot to wind back the clock! So when we left for Newcastle, we thought it was 10:30 but it was actually only 9:30! We had to drop Imogen and Madeline off to St Andrew’s at midday for one last practice before their performance. It was cold, rainy and windy, totally opposite to yesterday. I think we all felt it more because of the extreme swing in weather. We had raced into an over crowded Maccas and waited and waited and waited to be served. (So much for fast food). By the time we had our lunch I thought we were late so we raced into town, only to find we were, in fact, one whole hour early! (How embarrassing)!!!! Anyway, it worked out well because we had time then to go back to Mc Donalds to complain about the dodgy COLD pasta zoo meal that we were given. I hate Maccas at the best of times but now I REALLY hate it. Bodgy, cruddy, horrible stuff.

After all that was sorted and we took the twins BACK to the church we then made our way to the Regional Museum for the local reusable nappy week ‘picnic’. Originally planned for a parkside do, because of the rain we were forced inside. The museum was great, the kids had a ball. I didn’t even know that anything like that existed in Newcastle, so I was pleasantly surprised. The girls were lovely. Really very welcoming and I met Sue from the Itti Bitti Nappy company!!!! Felt a bit starstruck meeting this famous WAHM in the flesh! LOL. Anyway, I got to feel all these beautiful nappies, Dave and the kids got to run around pushing and pulling buttons, so everyone (including the babies) were happy.

Our final outing for the day was to the girls performance with the Hunter Singers and Hunter Kids Sing. The choirs were absolutely amazing and the sound that came from the church was gorgeous. I was very proud of the girls. Noah and Ivy, by that time, were feral from bad food, lack of sleep and being up in arms all day. It started out badly (with Noah throwing up all over Grandma’s jacket) and escalated to basically being forced out of the performance by filthy stares and horrible comments. Ok, Noah was screeching at the top of his lungs and Ivy was crawling into all the crawl spaces and yammering on to the little old ladies’ heavily beaded necks (occasionally touching them too) but what do people expect of babies and what do they expect of us? We have kids in the choir, we want to hear them sing, we have to bring the baby cherubs (devils today, but usually pretty good) Babies make noise. Babies can’t sit still. UGH. I’m sure those old grannies had babies once, they just forget what it was like. Surely they didn’t tape their baby’s mouths shut when they went out and surely they didn’t just stay locked up in the house until their kids were old enough to have silence beaten into them! I don’t know…

We left halfway through (after the girls items were over) and I was never so glad to get away from anywhere. I felt like we were the Feral Family and had no place in Novocastrian society. *SIGH*

So that’s me for today, a little disheartened, a little beaten down, looking forward to my bed. All my babies are tucked up now. I think I’m just going to have a little cloth nappy buying therapy and toddle off myself. G’night all.

My babies are growing up too fast. Ivy is now walking all over the loungeroom and can even corner now. All that in just a few days. Soon they’ll both be running. Noah is taking up to eight steps before he flings himself into whoever’s lap is convenient.

This morning we made a decision as to what we are going to do for William’s third birthday and my mind and my heart finds itself thinking more and more of my little boy and what will never be. Sometimes the feelings surrounding his birth and death are all still so raw, it is like it was yesterday. The tears always fall easily around this time but this year, has been particularly emotional. Last year was so busy with two newborn babies and the first year, I was ‘allowed’ to celebrate and grieve my son. This year, many want to forget, think I should be ‘over’ him, think I should just concentrate on Ivy and Noah and feel lucky to be given another chance. I am. I will be eternally grateful for all that I have been given. Especially the chance to watch Ivy and Noah grow up. All my children are miracles. None of them easy to conceive , to carry or to birth. Even with this knowledge, even being thankful for all that I have doesn’t take that emptiness away, that hole that is left where William should be. It is a feeling of being incomplete, in some way. David doesn’t talk about WIlliam much anymore. I know he is dealing with things in his own way but sometimes I am hurt that he doesn’t acknowledge his firstborn son. All the girls and AJ accept William and talk about him freely. I have noticed an escalation in their comments and questions about him lately and wonder if they realise they are doing it or if it is a subconcious thing because it is getting close to the 2nd of April.

We’ll do a balloon release again this year, as we always do on his angel day but for his birthday, which I think should be a celebration of the amazing baby boy that William was, we are going to go to the zoo. I think at three, William would have enjoyed the zoo and the girls agree. Because we live a long way from Sydney we’ll have to start the day early but it should be a lovely day. It feels better now, knowing what we are going to do.

I just needed to get all of that down this morning. There might be more later. Who knows what the day might bring?

Ugh, I hate night duty. It is so tiring but even more exhausting is coming home to look after Ivy and Noah on no sleep.Especially looking after, Ivy the no sleep wonder girl. At least Noah has himself in a strict sleep routine and I KNOW I’ll get at least 1 1/2 hours of morning and afternoon nap from him (and he sleeps all night, bless him). With Ivy I never know what I’m going to get! Luckily Dave had the day off today and I got to catch a couple of hours to keep me going. I like it when he takes time off for me.

The thing with being the junior midwife on night duty is you never really get to practice real midwifery. I mostly feel like an overpaid babysitter. I never get to go into birthing suite these days and most of the women on the ward are independent. Some nights I can feel my bum spreading accross the chair. It can be very disheartening when you feel passionate about helping women to birth and the most exciting thing that happens in your shift is that you get to refill a jug with water. I know it’s not forever, only until Ivy and Noah are five or so but still five years of playing security guard makes me feel pretty down. I guess that is just the lot of a mother trying to juggle family and work. It’s all about compromise.

On a lighter note, Noah has discovered today that he can climb into his toy box! It’s very cute. We recorded it on video and took photos. My babies are growing up.

Imogen has just come home and told me she got into the dance group for Starstruck this year and while she is happy for herself, she is sad that her best friend didn’t get in and is hurting for her. Maddy has opted for the singing part and Lily is in the cheerleading section.

So that’s me for today. I can’t think of much else…oh except that my very good friend has decided to put her boys in cloth nappies! YAY! Another mummy converting! I love all the funky styles and colours of modern cloth nappies. Give me a soft minkee nappy any day!

It’s been a few days since the last entry.

I guess we’ve been busy with work and school run and the like.

Ivy and Noah had their hearing tests on Wednesday and all is well, despite numerous middle ear infections and perferations, Ivy can still hear ok. Noah just wizzed through his tests, no worries. That is how he lives his life really, laid back…’no worries’. I am hoping that the ENT surgeon sees things in the same light as I do, that, while she can hear right now,it might not be so with Winter coming.We go to see him on Tuesday. It’s been a long time coming.

The terrible two are taking between five and six steps each now and letting go of furniture and walking to the next piece. It is amazing to watch and they still look too small to me to be up on two pegs but such is life, ever pushing forwards. Wednesday was a pretty big day as I made the leap to meet up with another Mum, locally, who I had spoken to, over the internet but never had face to face contact with. I was petrified to say the very least. My worries were all for nothing because Mary was the nicest lady in the world and her kids and mine all got along really well. I hope it’s the start of something big.

Today was a big parcel day, with lots of Winter clothes arriving from my fave internet store (based in the States)  Now the twinnies will look good as well as be warm, for a really great price, Aussie dollar conversion and all. I highly recommend checking it out if you have children. The sales are amazing and because we are opposite in seasons, makes clothes shopping wonderfully affordable. We (my mum and I )also went to check out some photos of the big girls, that were taken for a "Miss Cessnock" competition. We entered for a bit of fun at the local show and came away, having had three photo shoots. I knew there would be a hard sell at the end as we had done something like it with the girls when they were younger but I wasn’t expecting the huge hike in price. The photos were, of course delicious. What mother doesn’t think their kids look fantastic and beautiful? The girls all had such fun though, I couldn’t resist. So the hard sell, wasn’t so hard on me. Hard on my wallet (don’t tell my husband) but ultimately well worth it as I am a photo addict. I think it comes from not having alot of pictures of my childhood, so I am hellbent on making sure I capture everything for my children. Plus I love photography and enjoy portraiture more than anything else. I am quite fussy when i have photos done of the girls and now the babies so when I saw how wonderful they were I had to have them. We have to wait 4- 6 weeks before we’ll have them home with us but I can wait…I think.

This weekend we are off to the reusable nappy week picnic in Newcastle and then the big twins are singing in a choir. It’s their first public concert. Hunter Singers! So exciting! We are all looking forward to it. Mum and David’s parents are coming up.I really like it when we are all together.

On a frustrating note, I am having all sorts of trouble with AJ our eldest foster boy. His attitude of late is horrible and he is becoming more and more abusive to his brother and to the girls. He back  mouths everyone and has no respect for the family. I just don’t know what to do with him anymore. I am trying hard to understand but it’s hard when he is hurting all the other kids and David and I too. What is a foster mother to do? I can only guide him so much.

Well, the Iron Chef challenge was a great success. David made Vole vants from scratch and I made Vegie pasties. The kids loved both, going back for seconds and decided that we both won the competition therefore securing another cook off in the not too distant future.(They’re not silly) I was hot after I’d finished though and was happy to sit down and veg out after everyone was in bed.

Today we went to Prelude, which is an early intervention centre. We have been going there since Ivy and Noah were five months old. The twins were born at 30 weeks gestationa nd have been quite slow in their development. Belinda (our teacher) has done the most amazing job and now the babies are doing really well. It is a small group of five babies and their parents/carers. Some of the babies are special needs and some are premmie, like my two. Anyway, after today, we decided it was time for Ivy and Noah to graduate and leave Prelude as they are developing so well now. In a way I am sad that this time in our lives has come to an end but also really happy that the twins are coming along in leaps and bounds. There are two weeks left of term but next week will be our last as the following Monday is William’s third birthday. (William died at five days of age). I don’t think I will be in the right frame of mind for singing and dancing on that day.

I’ll probably take cake and a gift for Belinda and Vicki. I will really miss all the lovely girls there, I have met. Especially, Chloe and Michelle. I have a real soft spot for Chloe, who is a Downs Syndrome baby and Michelle, who is so courageous in all that she does for her daughter. I’m hoping to be able to keep in touch with her and with Mackenzie’s Mum, who lives close by. Mackenzie has two brothers, triplets, so we have a bit in common.

That’s it for now, noah is screeching because he can’t open my water bottle, so I’d better go and tend to him.

Just a short add on to todays post. Ivy Hazel took her first two steps on her own! Born at 30 weeks gestation, I was starting to think that this walking business was a long time coming but we are up and running now, and I’m sure Noah won’t be far behind. I’m so glad I was there to see it! My miracle girl!

Watching my now 15 month old daughter balancing dangerously, one handed, bum in the air, on her Fisher Price ride along car, with her twin brother screeching in the background, because he can’t do it and the older kids TRYING to watch Ugly Betty with the TV on full bore on a ‘lazy’ Sunday afternoon, periodically moaning because of the noise generated by the babies or because one of them has wandered over and switched the television off, got me thinking about what a mad house I live in!

My house is always busy, chaotic and messy and while sometimes it’s really stressful running a household of nine, mostly I love it. David (DH) suggested that I have a blog to chronicle the happenings of our home and our life. Who cares if no one reads it now. It will hopefully be something more that our children can look at later on, so they know our thoughts and hopefully have some wonderful memories written down.

I’m quite excited. I always had a diary when i was in High school and then a journal for some of the more difficult times in life. I get some form of satisfaction writing down my thoughts so this should be good.

Today has been a hodgepodge of cleaning and shopping and milling about the house. Ivy( 15 month old imp) is currently climbing up the lounge in her latest daredevil attempt to better those of her brother’s. Noah is disapproving as only he can, by head butting the glass window and pulling things down from my scrapbooking table in an attempt to divert his father’s attention from her onto himself.

AJ our 10 year old foster son, is watching Digimon for the millionth time and his brother Mal is off in his own world, playing with his transformer.

The girls (Immy, Maddy and Lily) are all outside running through the extremely long grass, barefoot and fancy free. It’s nice to see them outside. It’s either been way too hot or raining lately.

Tonight the kids have thrown down a challenge to David and I to make dinner in an Iron Chef type style, with an hour to prepare and cook food under their secret ingredient, which tonight, is Pastry. It should be fun, with one small kitchen and two mad chefs juggling for space, hungry kids and overtired babies but such is life in this house. It IS a juggling act.

I guess, I’ll mostly be posting about life at home, work, things that I love like Belly Belly, cloth nappies, photography and scrapbooking but other things might creep in too, we’ll have to wait and see.