We’re not in Kansas anymore.
Ours is a sad story. My relationship with him was full of fear and hurt.
Don’t get me wrong, there were some good times. Periods in my life when I remember him as a good father.
He was a wanderer.
My mother did the best she could as an almost single parent. Their marriage ended when my brother died. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. He was already having an affair, had been for years, it seems, with the company’s accountant and was in Europe with her when my brother died. He didn’t come home for the funeral.
I wouldn’t have divorced him, I would have killed him.
He changed the day I introduced him to his newborn grandaughters. Mellowed.
Became a Grandfather.
Don’t get me wrong, he was not reformed. He still hurt me, only in different ways.
With the children though he was a different man, someone who I came to admire. He adored them all, especially the boys. He was there when William died, almost cried.
On June 26th 2005 (Lily’s birthday) we told him we were eight weeks pregnant with twins. He told us he had been diagnosed with bowel cancer.
I knew when he told us there was a secondary in the liver that he didn’t have much time but he went through treatment after treatment and surgery too. Anything to preserve his life on this earth, all be it with little quality. He was just waiting to meet the babies.
In the days leading up to his death we spent time with him and he spoke in earnest about his estate and how it would be. He said we could trust her, the Evil Step Mother (ESM). Also known as the Wicked Witch of the West.
He was wrong, he was wrong about so much.
He wanted the boys to be looked after. He had divided the estate accordingly but not until the ESM had died too.
Now she wants me to sign that away. She wants me to say that he wanted her to have everything.
His will makes it so that she can have it. All of it, despite his constant reassurances and pleas that the children be looked after.
If I sign the forms she will take his estate and change her will and the boys (and my family too) will get nothing.
My Mum and my Aunties are up in arms, urging me to fight it all the way.
David says we are not in a position to fight, that we need to protect ourselves. She is, after all the evil step mother, with my father’s money to throw around.
I want to fight, I do but I don’t want to jepodise my family. It’s so complicated.
I am sad, disheartened that my father would allow this woman to do this. I am pressured, feeling as though I am some pawn in a game of hate. I am angry that after all my father did to me, to my family, to my mother, after all he trumpeted about caring for those of us left behind, it seems now that his intent was a false one…again.
A mask to make everyone believe he was a good man.
I won’t pretend that I understand the situation, but for what it is worth, my instinct says FIGHT that ESM! I have no idea how the legal system for estates there works and what would even be necessary to fight her, but there has to be a way to contest her wishes. DON’T SIGN ANYTHING that your ESM wants you to. Do you have an estate attorney who can help you? Can a trust be established in the names of the kids? The only stipulation I would say would make sense in signing is IF and ONLY IF the ESM immediately placed the equivalent of what they would get currently straight into a trust fund to be administered only by you and or your husband. But verbal promises won’t suffice, I would say that something has to be written to legally document such a stipulation. Don’t let your ESM get one over on you!
Comment by Liz — December 4, 2007 @ 8:11 am
A brave post for you to write - the politics of death can be so awful. I hope that you find a good attorney with a solution that keeps you from being vulnerable.
Comment by Tracy — December 4, 2007 @ 8:52 am
Don’t wills have to be witnessed and signed by a lawyer? How could such an ambiguous will get passed? I say fight it.
Comment by river — December 4, 2007 @ 2:14 pm
Don’t sign anything.. I am sorry I can’t help in a more practical way.. Just don’t sign anything until you have had legal advice…
Comment by kim — December 4, 2007 @ 2:22 pm
You should fight. That woman has no right to do what she is doing. Your children deserve what their grand father wanted them to have.
www.parentshome.net
Comment by Parents Home — December 4, 2007 @ 3:05 pm
oh that sounds just nasty… we’ve had similar issues when my FIL died but to do with his mother’s estate (she is still alive but basically a vegetable) and how it has been being administered and all kinds of other terrible awful stuff… Coping with the loss of a family member is hard enough without people getting all ‘grabby’ for what they think they ‘deserve’. I say fight too… at the very least don’t make it easy… no idea the circumstances but I’d say you don’t HAVE to sign anything.. so don’t.
*hugs*
Comment by katef — December 4, 2007 @ 4:13 pm
Tiff, Tiff, Tiff, Tiff, Tiff. You sound surprised! What did you expect? There’s a REASON why she’s known as ESM! You already know my thoughts on this…..fight the bitch all the way! Seek legal advice. Don’t give in to her bullying. That man should not be allowed to continue to make you miserable from beyond the grave. DO NOT SIGN A THING!
Comment by Tracey — December 4, 2007 @ 6:41 pm
I had to comment again Tiff.. Please don’t sign anything ….
Comment by kim — December 4, 2007 @ 8:02 pm
Got here through Blog Catalog and it’s always difficult to read about a fellow blogger hurting for some reason. I can’t say I understand your feelings perfectly so, I guess I can only urge you to be brave in confronting all of life’s challenges.
Comment by Tot's Mom — December 4, 2007 @ 8:34 pm
OH Tiff …I am sorry you are hurting so much because of your father. I am so sorry you are in this uncertain situation. I wouldn’t sign either but sometimes the fight is not the worth the angst or downward spiral it can bring.I think the advice of Liz is valid - get something in writing at least for the boys. Can you seek help through other legal aid avenues on the boys behalf ?
Comment by Trish — December 4, 2007 @ 10:47 pm
I’m so very sorry Tiff… I can’t even begin to know what this is like. I just know that you’re hurting and hope you know that I care and that you are being kept in my prayers. Hugs to you and your dear family!
Comment by childlife — December 5, 2007 @ 7:07 am
I’m glady you shared that and hope your heart gets lighter with time. I was going to say I was sorry for your loss but after reading on it sounds like loss was always surrounding him. I am sorry. PS - I was diagnosed with colon cancer Oct 2005 but am still here and doing good. I thank the stars for my time here when I read of others less fortunate.
Comment by Lisa\'s Chaos — December 5, 2007 @ 12:53 pm
I wish I had a huge heap of legal wisdom to pass on but I just wanted you to know your post was heartbreaking. How I want a happy ending on this for all of you. You are in my prayers. A big hug to you.
Comment by Julie — December 5, 2007 @ 1:09 pm
What a nightmare for you. I say fight it all the way.
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