Panic!
Okay, breathe.
There are still four days to go, five until their party.
I’m not ready! I’m not ready! I’m not ready!
It’ll be okay. It will all come together. It always does.
You’re disorganised for a reason. It’s because you’re not ready for this, for them to turn two. For them to lose their baby faces, their chubby baby arms.
Why didn’t I feel this way when they were one?
It was such a whirlwind year, it literally was a blur. Do you actually remember their birthday last year?
I was definately more organised.
You need to see this for what it is. The end of your baby making. Never to have that squirming life within you, never to breathe in that earthiness of your newborn, look into their eyes for the first time. It is the end of a right of passage.
There is so much to do, to get ready. I haven’t wrapped presents, haven’t done party shopping, haven’t done anything much, just sat and watched them play, listened to them talking, babbling to one another, me.
You’ll be okay, you’ll get through this. It hurts, oh I know it does but there will be new passages to cross, new stages to take your mind away from losing your babies to the ever moving circle of life.
It only seems like yesterday that we welcomed them into our lives.
Yes but now it is time to move forward, enjoy the here and now.
Okay. Tomorrow. I will start fresh tomorrow. Tonight, I need to remember their tiny little fingers wrapped around my one clumsy pointer and my heart. I need to remember the journey we travelled to get to this point. Is that alright? Just one more night to think of them as my babies? Then I will throw myself head on into toddlerhood… and making cakes.
(((hugs)))
Sometimes I think I can see Amy grow. It is bittersweet watching her grow up.
Comment by Veronica — November 26, 2007 @ 8:47 pm
I know. I just watched my older son turn TEN.
How could it be?
Comment by slouching mom — November 26, 2007 @ 11:53 pm
I remember their birthday last year - it was good fun .I am so looking forward to Saturday … it is bittersweet for you - I don’t want S & J to turn two for a logn time LOL.
Comment by Trish — November 27, 2007 @ 12:15 am
Oh, wow… that’s a familiar ache! We would like to have one more, but don’t know if that is even possible. I have tried to soak up every ounce of my youngest’s milestones as if they are the last I will ever see. I hope when the day comes, it will just dissolve into pure joy!
Hugs!
Comment by childlife — November 27, 2007 @ 12:18 pm