I’ve Learnt So Much.
A friend phoned me last night. She asked me if I imagined my life would be like this, when I met David, when I was 17. She asked me if I ever imagined I would have so many children. The simple answer to that is; no.
I knew that I wanted kids from a young age. When we talked about children, David wanted two and I wanted four. The only thing we could agree on was that we wanted an even number of children so nobody was left out. I certainly didn’t think about the logistics of being a mum.
So what is Motherhood to me?
It’s all those things that everyone said it would be, it’s sacrifice, it’s full on, it’s the hardest job I have ever done. It’s wonderous and amazing and brings me so much happiness. It’s love and contentment and brings a fullness to each and every day in mind, body and soul.
Mostly though motherhood is about learning.
As a mum, you are always teaching life skills but as a mum, I am also the perpetual student. I learn new things every day. About myself, about my children and I am still learning life skills!
When I first became a mum to twins, Imogen and Madeline, they taught me about selflessness, about the big picture. They taught me about patience (It took three years to conceive them) and understanding. I think they also taught me about time management and the importance of boundaries. On a funny note, they also taught me never to carry two babies upstairs, naked, when they have gastro…very messy!
Lily came into my life (about 9 months after the above bout of gastro). Lily taught me to really enjoy motherhood. She taught me to appreciate all the little things. When Lily came into my life, my father told me I was stupid for having more children, that I should be concentrating on a career, a house and having all the finer things in life. It was Lily’s birth that gave me the strength to stand up to him, tell him that family was more important to me than anything else. Although she was a surprise, she was a Godsend.
AJ and Malachy came into our home when they were four and three. I am not their biological mother but they are still my children. Through the boys I know about compromise. I know about overcoming terrible situations, adaptation, about hanging in there when you want to give up. I know about a longing to protect and a different kind of love, one that I have sometimes had to work at but one that is very much alive.
Four years after Lily, our first son, William, was born and died five days later. From Will I learnt about absolute devastation, a love that is so strong that I can still feel its presence every day. I learnt the beauty of letting go, I learnt to find and rely on my mother strength and I learnt that I could keep going, fuelled by the love of my children.
My last set of twins, Ivy and Noah, were born at 30 weeks in 2005 about a year and a half after William’s death and after a very scary pregnancy but it is with these children, my last, that I have learnt some of the most valuable lessons. As a mother to these precious miracles I have learnt to hope. Over the last twenty one months, they have taught me to feel joyous about motherhood again, at times when I felt there was no joy left in me. I have realised that I am a mother first and foremost and that, even though it can be a difficult, exhausting, sometimes thankless job, motherhood means everything to me.
It’s my life.
Oh, and I also learnt to appreciate my own mother much more than I ever did as a child.
This topic was published as part of MamaBlogga’s Group Writing Project. The theme is motherhood. It’s my first attempt.
Why don’t you give it a go?
So beautifully written by one of worlds best mums … reflecting on her very gorgeous children !
well done you are a fine woman,mother,daughter and friend xo Trish
Comment by Trish — September 8, 2007 @ 12:40 am
Wow, this is such a touching post. I can’t fathom the pain of losing a child. It is my worst fear, but I hope that if I had to face it I would come out a stronger person, as you have.
Motherhood can be so hard but it is also filled with indescribable joy.
Comment by Summer — September 8, 2007 @ 11:06 am
Beautiful people, beautiful story; it was a joy to read. As a teacher I can say there are a lot of children I thoroughly love, but I would utterly fail at parenting them 24/7. Wow you!
Comment by stephanie — September 8, 2007 @ 11:06 am
Wow, what an amazing entry! Thank you for sharing some of the insights that you’ve learned from your children, and thanks so much for participating!
Comment by Jordan (MamaBlogga) — September 8, 2007 @ 1:11 pm
What a wonderful post! Thank you so much for sharing some of what your children have taught you, and thank you for participating!
Comment by Jordan (MamaBlogga) — September 8, 2007 @ 1:12 pm
What a beautiful post! I love how you have learned something from each of your children, and that you found good in even the worst of circumstances.
Comment by Lynnae @ From Under the Clutter — September 8, 2007 @ 2:18 pm
Wow-what a strong, loving mom you are! Beautiful words, beautiful family because of their beautiful mom.
Comment by Ursula — September 8, 2007 @ 3:35 pm
Ursula -
An incredible post - truly. You have been through so much and you share it with such beauty! I am overwhelmed by your beautiful family and by your lovely thoughts. I cannot even begin to imagine what you went through with William. We almost lost our little girl when she was two weeks old. She coded in the NICU right in front of us and I will never, ever forget what that instant felt like - the total devastation. You are an amazing example of courage - a portrait of how to keep walking in spite of unfathomable heartache. Thank you so very much for sharing such a deeply touching post!
Comment by Childlife — September 8, 2007 @ 11:19 pm
What a great post! Even though I have soooo much left to learn (only two kids here
, I find that there is a massive growth spurt on my end with each of my kids. I often look to God and say, “This is just to hard. I don’t want to learn this yet.” My second son was born at 23 weeks gestation at the beginning of this year and I can’t tell you how many times it brought me to my knees–figuratively and literally. I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything in this world however. Hope has become not just a word to me, but a badge I put on proudly and live internally every day. Despite my flaws, I am an infinitely better mother than I would have been without him. Thank you so much for your perspective. What a blessed woman you are.
Comment by Jenner — September 9, 2007 @ 2:26 am
What a great post. Even though I have soooo much to learn (only two kids here
I find that with each child, there’s a massive growth spurt on my end. I often look to God and say, “This is just too hard. I don’t want to learn this yet.” My second son was born at 23 weeks gestation earlier this year and I can’t tell you how many times I was brought to my knees–literally and figuratively. I am an infinitely better mother though than I would have been without him. Hope is not just a word to me anymore. It is a badge I wear and internalize every day. Thank you so much for your amazing perspective. You are a very blessed woman.
Comment by Jenner — September 9, 2007 @ 2:31 am
Wow, I can imagine there would be so many lessons in all of that. You must be a truly seasoned mum! What a beautiful family you have…
Comment by boogiemum — September 9, 2007 @ 5:47 am
One day, please write a post explaining exactly where you get the time to blog. I have two kids and barely make it to the computer. You must have super powers. Or amazing organizational skills. Or a secret to share…
Comment by Kate — September 9, 2007 @ 6:41 am
You are one incredible and amazing woman! The strength and lessons you have learned from motherhood are remarkable. I think there is a reason you have been blessed with so many children in your life. They need you to teach them valuable life lessons. Excellent post!
Comment by An Ordinary Mom — September 9, 2007 @ 11:27 am
You are one incredible and amazing woman! The strength and lessons you have learned from motherhood are remarkable. I think there is a reason you have been blessed with so many children in your life. They need you to teach them valuable life lessons. Excellent post!
Comment by An Ordinary Mom — September 9, 2007 @ 11:29 am
This was a wonderful post! I loved reading your thoughts on what each of your children have taught you. Excellent! I would like to do that myself. Such a powerfu look at mothering and the individual gifts from God.
Thanks for sharing!!
Duckabush Blog
Comment by Kathy in WA — September 10, 2007 @ 4:19 pm
Thank you so very much for all of your wonderful comments. It means alot to have such a great response.
Comment by Tiff — September 11, 2007 @ 8:49 am
That was a beautiful post!
Comment by Head Gaggler — September 11, 2007 @ 10:53 pm
It’s amazing how much closer I am to my own mother now that I’m a mom. Amazing.
Comment by Oh, The Joys — September 13, 2007 @ 2:04 am